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Friendships are so important in life! Time with good friends makes you feel well supported and joyful. On days that you need an extra pick-me-up, on days that you feel low, the people closest to you will make the best effort to make you smile and that is when friendships show their value! Friends are the sunshine on cloudy days.

A broken friendship comes about more often than you might think. The same way friends can be made in an instant, they can fall apart in the blink of an eye. So, we must cherish our friendships by building them from delicate relationships to strong and secure ones. The truth is that friends – yes, including besties – argue. Arguing amongst friends is normal, particularly when it is over insignificant things like who will eat the last piece of chocolate! Some bigger disagreements can also occur during the journey of a friendship, and they can be the catalysts for friendships breaking.

Fixing broken friendships is easier said than done. To mend a broken friendship, you will require a lot patience and empathy, but it can definitely be worth it. If you care about someone a lot and your friendship with them falls apart, stay resilient and use these steps to guide you in fixing that broken friendship.

– This blog post will cover the 3 steps to follow when rebuilding a broken friendship –

1. Reflect on your friendship

When a friendship is broken it can be far too easy to look at the negatives. You tend to think about what went wrong, how they upset you and what your friend failed to do. After you have a friendship fall to pieces you must allow yourself a chance to heal. Like a breakup in a romantic relationship, you require time to go through the motions of grief. In this time, you should be make an effort in remembering what was good about your friendship as well as thinking of what went wrong. Using a positive mindset is an effective way of taking care of yourself throughout the period of grief.

To reflect on your broken friendship, use some of these four questions. They will prompt you to look back on enjoyable moments.

• What was your favourite memory with your friend?
• How has this friendship influenced and shaped your life?
• When was the last time you and your friend laughed together? What was it that made you laugh?
• When you think of your friend, how do you feel?

Questions like these are the catalyst to your reflection. A broken friendship does not need to be mended, but this first step is what will make you realise that this particular friendship is worth rebuilding. Invest time in reminiscing on fun moments, appreciate them and you will assure yourself of why this relationship is valuable.

The grief period following a broken friendship will vary from person to person. You might take two weeks or you might take two months. Being willing and being ready are very different things when it comes to rebuilding a friendship. Take the time you need to deal with your emotions, and eventually you will be ready to give it a shot is fixing your broken friendship.

2. Communicate and make an apology

Of the crucial steps in repairing a broken friendship, this is most important. Communicating with your friend about the reasons the friendship failed will be what helps start the journey of rebuilding that connection. Not only that, but talking about what was good and what went right. Like in the first step, the focus does not need to only be on the negatives. Bring attention to the positives! 

These kinds of conversations will be difficult. To talk about frustrations you have with your friend takes a fair amount of courage. Be prepared because your friend may react badly in some cases. Although your aim is to give your best effort in mending the friendship, if your friend isn’t willing to do that themselves, then that is when you will move on. In many cases, the courage you gather for this can be worth the struggle and you can successfully repair the friendship. 

Having this serious chat with your friend will go best when there is undivided attention, and it is in a neutral space. When you make your game plan of how to invite them somewhere to discuss what you are wanting to, keep in mind that a neutral space is great. For example, if you are at one of your houses, there is an unbalanced level of comfortability. This can lead to one person being more emotionally open than the other.

– Transparency & Honesty –

The two most important rules in communication with your friendships.

An apology about something you have done or not done may be needed to mend you friendship. Remember to be “sincere”, “specific”, and “take full responsibility”¹ in what you are apologising for. For more information about how you can apologise to a friend, check out this post about writing an apology letter to a friend. Keep in mind that the information in this post can be super helpful for creating a verbal apology as well. 

3. Reconnect and rebuild your friendship 

There are two values of friendship that need to be heavily prioritised in this final step of rebuilding your broken friendship. They are trust and quality time.

Trust

This is so important in a good friendship. When friendship is broken, trust becomes fragile.

Quality Time

Time together fostering new memories and bringing each other joy is key in rebuilding your frienship.

When trust gets broken, you need to invest is building this back up. As much as it is good to go have a blast together, share laughs and have a light hearted friendship, when things go wrong, you want friends that you can trust. So, make sure to get that confidence to confide in this person again. 

Prioritise putting aside time to connect. A lot of friendships are made and sustained through shared interests and having quality time together. Life tends to get busy, though. When you’re at the end of a long week and you don’t want to leave the house, that’s when you make time to see this friend again. Go and enjoy an event or just catch up with a coffee. Showing them you care about the quality time will help in building that friendship back to what it was.

Build a friendship where you feel supported and you look forward to seeing the person! Give the most amount of energy you can in reconnecting because if you half-ass it, it’ll be a struggle to mend that broken friendship. Keep in mind that it is all about time. With time, honest communication and empathy, you will have an even stronger friendship than before.

Those were the three crucial steps in rebuilding a broken friendship. Hopefully you do not have to refer to them often! Throughout the process of grief, effective communication and focused time with your friend, you will gain confidence in the friendship more and more. Hold on tight to your close friends, because they’re not as easy to come by as it may seem! Cherish the good times and let your friends be your support network. You won’t regret it.