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Communication in relationships is so important. It is the backbone of any friendship, couple, marriage, or group. There is so much more involved in communication than just talking. Communication also involves actively listening, understanding, and body language. The importance of communication in relationships cannot be ignored.
To paint a picture of why learning about the importance of communication is necessary for relationships, we must look at what happens when there is a lack of effective communication. Have you been in any arguments or scuffles before? If not, wow, tell me your ways! Of those arguments that you have been in, how many can you think of that occurred because the truth was not told, information was withheld, or there was a misunderstanding of sorts? A lot, right? This is very normal, so don’t be alarmed. What this tells us is that when there is effective communication then disagreements and other uncomfortable situations can usually be avoided. Everyone can improve their communication skills. It is a skill that only a few people ever truly master!
When communication is strong and well-practiced in relationships, a a great range of benefits can be seen. Some of these benefits are that people strengthen bonds and the people involved in the relationship can push through adverse scenarios better. So, it’s time to take a closer look at 5 reasons why communication is so crucial.
This post is about 5 key reasons the importance of communication in relationships can not be ignored!
1: Knowing each other’s wants and needs
Knowing what your partner/peers need and want goes a long way. Relationships aren’t simply about getting along with another person, it’s about understanding them and supporting them. Communicating well will be the formula to finding out the wants and needs you are not already aware of.
When is the last time you asked your bestie about the goals they are striving for? You may think they’ll give you a weird look, but maybe they are wanting to start a new hobby, like tennis, and they’ve told no one else yet, so they have no person to practice with. If you do not ask that understanding question, then that maintains that unknown barrier you have stopping you from helping help them move forward in achieving their goals. This barrier is broken with communication! By being inquisitive towards people in your life, you have a better chance of not missing out information. If you don’t ask those simple, yet deep questions, you won’t know how to or when to help those around you. Don’t get me wrong, there are a million questions to ask everyone in your life. You will not always have the opportunity to ask each one, but if you are communicating openly and using tools of effective communication, then you are more likely to build stronger relationships.
We’ve looked at asking about goals your peers may have, but what else could we say?
Try these sorts of conversation starters:
- “How have you been feeling recently? How can I best help you in times that you’re down?”
- “Is your job going well at the moment? I heard there was a promotion up for grabs. What are some things you need to do to improve and climb the ladder”
- “I haven’t seen your family in ages! Have you seen them lately? Are you someone who needs family time?”
- “Are you prioritising something in particular in your life at the moment?”
- “What would you like me to do more of for you? Or less of for that matter.”
There are so many questions and statements you could use, depending on the situation and how the person is behaving, to get a better understanding of them.
In a romantic relationship, this is particularly important to consider. When you have decided to date someone, you have decided that you would like to invest a great amount of interest in them. The best way of showing your partner interest is to get familiar with their wants and needs. It will be organic at first because, in the early stages of romance, we are most inquisitive. As time goes on, you need to make a more conscious effort to communicate and inquire. Remember to ask questions that provoke your partner to talk about what their desires and aspirations are.
The better you understand someone’s wants and needs, the better your relationship becomes. Communicating assertively by asking directive questions as well as listening carefully will be the key to doing this.
2: Minimising and resolving conflict
Helping to minimise and resolve conflicts is one of the reasons for the importance of communication in relationships. Arguing is never fun, is it? Arguments occur frequently when there is poor communication or a lack of communication at all. What is also common is that the intensity of these situations is amplified because effective communication remains neglected during the conversation.
Avoid misunderstandings
Avoiding misunderstandings is one of the best ways to avoid conflict. If someone is not understanding the situation or the perspective of the other person involved in a disagreement, it can lead to frustration and anger.
Miscommunication or Poor Communication ⇀ Misunderstanding ⇀ Conflict ⇀ Intense negative emotions
In most cases, transparent and clear communication can steer you away from having any misunderstandings and therefore, help you stay away from the proceeding stages. To communicate effectively, you must take your time to explain your own points of view and any experiences you have had in good detail. Purposely leaving out crucial details and not being completely honest about these is what causes the issue in the first place.
As important as fully communicating your thoughts and feelings is, you must also be willing to listen. In particular, listening with the intent to understand rather than defend. Listening to defend in an argument, is where you’re listening out for things that go against your point of view, which you will mostly likely promptly defend. When listening to defend, you are not truly listening to the other person and giving them the respect they deserve. When you listen with the intent to understand, you aim to truly know the other person’s opinion, feelings and perspective. This might help you intepret their intentions for saying a particular thing (which may be different to how you would initially interpret it). It will also help you seek clarification, therefore avoiding any misunderstandings.
So, now that you understand the chain of events, let’s get to the bottom of how you can communicate better when there is a problem at hand. First of all, identify your emotions and address them. If an event occurs that upsets you, it is key that you say how you feel to the person or people involved. This will give them insight into your emotion and allow them the opportunity to show empathy. Then, you need to explain why it is you feel that way. Really what you are doing is starting with the effect and then moving on to the cause as opposed to the other way around. This helps the conversation to have a more assertive (focusing on feelings) rather than aggressive (blaming) approach. Your explanation of the cause should be honest and transparent. If you did something or saw something you weren’t supposed to, put it out in the open.
The importance of communication in relationships throughout fights is immense. It is what separates truly happy couples from other couples and good friends from acquaintances. Habits of happy couples and good friends involve being brutally honest in communicating, even when it may be difficult.
3: Building Trust
Relationships need trust.
Some people trust more easily than others, and that is completely understandable.
Great communication can be an influential factor in building trust. On the flip side, poor communication has the opposite effect… It breaks trust. Losing trust is a concerningly common occurrence. A big reason for people losing trust is a lack of honesty and a lack of information. What does that lead to? Conflict!
When you encounter new relationships, romantic or platonic, you have a baseline level of trust. As mentioned above, this is different from person to person. Are you a very trusting person, or do you find it hard to trust others? The reason you need to recognise this becuase it is important to for the other person to be aware of. Let your peers and your partner know if you find it difficult to trust other people.
Communicating your trust needs will benefit you greatly because the other person can then adjust their communication, actions and behaviors so that they meet those needs. As an example, a partner of someone who is less trusting will account for that lack of trust with how they behave. Behaviours like being more explicit in telling their partner where they are going if they are going on a night out without them. Or an even better behaviour of being consistently honest with their partner so that they can begin to trust what they say.
The aim of each relationship you have in life is to build it with trust. Developing better trust between people helps them grow a bond. When you can properly trust someone to keep a secret, or not tell a certain someone a certain something, that helps you appreciate them more. The more you can appreciate that person, the closer you will become. “How can you build trust then?” you ask. Communication! It is not as simple as the more conversations you have, the more you’ll trust. It is about understanding someone. Be an active listener so that when a friend confides in you with sensitive information, they know you understand why it is sensitive, and they can trust that you will keep it private (please keep it private).
Provide comforting body language (e.g. head nods, appropriate facial expressions, leaning in) and offer eye contact during difficult conversations. These habits of effective (and caring) communication will eventually result in trust being built (disclaimer: consistency is key).
4: Allowing support networks to be built
Everyone needs support during tough times. Knowing that you have someone to run to and lean on does a lot for your mental health. The better your support systems are, the stronger you will feel! A healthy support network should consist of friends, family, and partners too. To ensure that you have one of these healthy networks, it is crucial that you regularly communicate with all the people you hope to have as support for those times you’re in need.
Although you might have some unspoken bonds with long-time best friends and family members, who have become your base support network, there is always an opportunity for expansion. It is especially important to do this if you or they have moved away because may no longer be readily available at times you need them. There is also a limit to the types of support they can offer you because of the distance factor. You may also need situation-specific support networks such as ones for your workplace made up of select colleagues. Basically, support networks are important to have, grow and maintain. But how do you develop these support networks?
To develop relationships beyond that surface level so that you can really understand one another requires trust. As mentioned already in this post, communication is the key to trust. The trust you build is what allows you to have confidence in your support system. It means that you can feel confident in telling selected people anything – good or bad. So, when those bad times do come around we feel like there is a safety net present.
Key example:
- Boyfriend and girlfriend
One day, your partner seems a little bit off and is not telling you why. That night you were watching a movie and sat down at opposite ends of the couch. Your partner approached you for a cuddle but you pushed them off because you didn’t feel like one at the time.
For a couple practicing effective communication, they will feel safe in discussing their needs and feelings and balancing this with supporting each other. In this example, you need to have a discussion about both of your feelings in that situation. You need to recognise that your actions might hurt your partner if they are not paired with a reason. So you might need to start out by acknowledging why you didn’t want them to cuddle with you. This might open the floor for discussion about why they were seeming off. If your partner explains that they had a rough day at work and felt in need of some physical contact, that breaks down the wall. It allows you to gain some insight into their love language which can help you offer better support to them in the future.
- Friendships
Your best friend comes home from a vacation with their family and they have been acting a bit differently and seem upset. On the holiday, your friend’s parents had been having very unsettling arguments.
Good friends that practice effective communication will have very few walls built between them and know when and how to support each other.
In this example, a conversation about your friend’s feelings needs to be initiated. You’d hope for them to feel comfortable enough to bring it up, but that does not mean you should wait around for them to do so. Initiate the conversation yourself and ask your friend how they are feeling. Be a patient, attentive, non-judgmental listener so that your friend feels supported and listened to. If the situation was flipped and you were the upset one, be open, let your friend in, and give them a chance to be your support!
Feeling support around you is such a wonderful feeling. Do your best to not build walls and avoid difficult discussions. Practice having those difficult discussions and they will become easier and easier. Communicate with openness and honesty and don’t be afraid to show vulnerability. This will help you be a good support for the people around you and will help you attract people that can offer you the same support.
5: Strengthening relationships
The fifth reason for the importance of communication in relationships is that it strengthens bonds. Communication is the backbone of your relationships in life. The better you communicate, the better opportunity you are giving yourself to make new relationships and improve your current ones.
Sharing common interests, experiences, and feelings is what helps turn regular relationships into great ones. Sharing these things involves communication. Think about how you have made friends in the past or how first dates go. It’s a lot of back-and-forth questions, usually closed questions too. It is essential, but as we go on we get more creative with our questions so that we learn that person’s personality and background even better. The thing is, is that it’s not only what you know about someone that makes you close. It is the emotional connection and the effort you give to each other. Being next to your friend, listening to them talk about a breakup, is communicating that you support them. Showing up to a friend’s event, maybe a sporting competition, communicates that you care about them. Doing such things brings you closer to the people you have romantic relationships with too.
If you know the love language of the people who surround you, it can help strengthen relationships. The love languages are all forms of communication. This is not just relevant for romance but for friendships as well.
Take a look at some examples:
Your friend enjoys receiving gifts because that is how they feel appreciated.
In this case, you can communicate that you care for them by purchasing or making a thoughtful gift for them out of the blue.
Your partner likes seeing acts of service because it makes them feel loved.
In this case, you can communicate your love to them by making them breakfast in bed or getting some household chores done.
So, keep the different love languages in mind when you are thinking of how to uniquely show your love and appreciation for people that you care about. Communicating your love to them is what will strengthen the bond you have.
Which of these reasons for the importance of communication in relationships surprised you the most? The list could go on and on! Have you thought of any additional reasons? Comment them down below! Remember, keep practicing your communication skills because as you have seen, it is super important! Thanks for reading!
