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Breakups are never easy. When a romantic relationships ends it can really hurt and it can even leave a scar. The stages of grief for a man or a woman after ending a relationship can be very similar, although there are some small differences. This post is going to focus in on the 6 stages of a breakup for a man. It is important to learn about these stages for when you are supporting someone going through a breakup and for recognising those stages in yourself are a split. 

This post is centered around the stages of a breakup for a man.

Stage 1 – Denial of emotions

After a breakup it is very common to push aside your feelings and ignore them. It is common because it is a method of protecting yourself from the effect of those feelings. You can be in a lot of pain after losing such a unique connection. We all know the fun fuzzy feelings you get with your special someone and to have those feelings ripped away so suddenly truly does hurt. 

Instead of being open and honest, a lot of men push down their emotions and choose to avoid dealing with them. Although this seems like a convenient solution during the early stages of a breakup, it can do more bad than good. Over the time of denying those feelings they will build up and worsen. Instead of denying the shock, sadness and frustration, let those feelings be felt. Let yourself be vulnerable and acknowledge how you feel. If you do this, you will be able to move past those horrible emotions more quickly. If you’re a talker, find a friend to confide in, and if you prefer to be in your own company during difficult times, just allow for those emotions take place. 

“When you feel victimised or sad, just allow yourself to cry; you’ll feel better and have more room to experience joy”  Jude Bijou

If you are going through a breakup and you are not comfortable telling others how you’re feeling, don’t push yourself. Know your boundaries. What is important is that you acknowledge the feelings yourself and do not try avoid the emotional aspect of your breakup as a whole. 

The denial stage of a breakup for a man is different to the denial stage for a woman because the average man tends to be less in touch with his emotions. Yeah, there are certainly exceptions, but we can all agree that men at least want to seem tougher than they are. This is a source of confidence for a lot of men. They think, no need for soppy thoughts and chit chat, let’s just get on with life. The kind of confidence that masks negative emotions and shows fake positive ones is not genuine confidence; it’s denial. 

The stage of denial can last for various lengths of time but each person will take the time they need in each of these 6 stages. Men, denial is definitely powerful but let’s rather display the power of vulnerability!

Stage 2 – Wanting them back

So, you’ve spent some time ignoring those feelings of yearning and you have taken a moment to think with a clearer mind. You realise, I want them back! Mmm, are you sure? This is one of the most emotionally twisting stages. It seems like you have cleared your head and are thinking straight again, but the grief is still there. Wanting your ex back is not necessarily a stage that every single person will go through, however it is common enough that we must address it!

There’s an elephant in this room – eeeveryone has physical needs to be meet. Yep, we said it! After a breakup you will likely miss the intimacy and sex. Particularly for the men out there, don’t go thinking with those needs as priority! Everybody experiencing a breakup, especially the average joe of men, will miss sex and confuse that with wanting them back. It is extremely important that you give yourself time. Time is the necessary ingredient for grieving. So, don’t go hop back in that same bed. When the time is right, you’ll go find a new one.

It is completely reasonable to have your thoughts and feelings messily twisted after a breakup. This immensely uncomfortable experience can have you wondering, do I want her? or do I want him? and those are valid questions. Until the acceptance stage you will be having these fleeting thoughts. That’s the thing, they will be there and then gone from your mind so quickly. Try not fixate on the ‘what if’s?’ and give yourself a chance to get back in touch with yourself.

The feeling of being taken care of by your lover and taking care of them is very special, so it is recognised that to ‘move on’ is not an overnight process. Wanting that feeling of security back is normal. We’re always on search for a high, and understandably so! Remember this if you or someone you know has gone through this stage of a breakup: It is a reminiscent stage. During this part of a breakup you are thinking back on all that was good, which is healthy! Also, take some of that time reminiscing to look back on what was not so good. That’ll give you the answer to if you want them back.

Stage 3 – Feelings come to the surface

During stages 1 and 2 you are so busy denying and avoiding your feelings. Once those stages have run their course, you will find that those not so good feelings come bubbling to the surface. This is the most uncomfortable stage of a breakup for a man. Keeping it very generalised, a lot of men take pride in keeping their cool and seeming held together. Although this is completely understandable, it can be damaging. Stage 3 is 100% necessary for anyone to start the process of healing and progress out of grieving. 

It may not be just 1 or 2 emotions that come to the surface, it may be several complex emotions that overwhelm you. At this point in a breakup you may be so bogged down by your feelings and it seems like ‘rock bottom’. All breakups will have this, so you’re not alone. When you recognise yourself or a friend in this stage, prioritise some time for healing. Healing time is where you remove yourself from the chaos of life, find some peace and quiet and let your mind go on auto pilot. Allowing that time will help uncage all the emotions so that you can then sift through the feelings you are feeling to make a plan of how you’ll start to feel better. 

“Time heals all wounds” Stephen King

Breakups can be source of many learning opportunities and stage of feelings coming to the surface will provide lot’s of learning. Certain emotions may provide specific learning to take place.

For example:

• Anger  •  Ask yourself why you’re angry? Was there conflict during your relationship that angered you? How could you communicate better and deal with conflict better in future relationships?
• Sadness  •  Feelings of sadness can come from feeling judgment or it may simply be from your loss of the relationship. If you felt judged for any reason, get to the bottom of that reason. Build your confidence so that you can counteract that judgment. 
• Worry  •  Are you worried that you’ll not find someone else? Well, this is a matter of self esteem. This is a common worry and it should be one that prompts us to make moves that’ll make us build a better self image. Take care of yourself and love yourself!

Negative feelings are not an enemy to you. Allow yourself time and space to answer questions these feeling may rise and you will do lots of learning! Feelings are messy, so this stage might well be messy too. Don’t fear it though, things sometimes just have to get messy before they become clear.

Stage 4 – Acceptance

The 4th of the 6 stages of a breakup for a man is acceptance. This stage is where you come to terms with you previous relationship and accept that it was not meant to be. 

Coming to terms with a relationship ending is tough. You may take a while to work through some negative emotions you’ve been left with, and you may not feel fully healed but to accept that the events unfolded the way they have for reasons that you have acknowledged is very important. 

It is not the easiest thing to hear, but everything happens for a reason. Without getting into the significance of spirituality or religion, try use this statement to just help your approach and mindset throughout life’s adversities. Recognising that each event in life has a purpose will change how you view the events and the greater meaning they have. 

“I trust that everything happens for a reason, even if we are not wise enough to see it.” Oprah Winfrey

Accepting a breakup does not mean that you are done thinking about it. Accepting is not about forgetting, it is about remembering. You spend time looking back on the good, the bad and the ugly so that you can get a better understanding as to why the breakup came about. The more you accept, the you will heal!

For all the men out there, stage 4 is likely to take a longer time to get to. Men sit in denial where they are most comfortable and push away these confronting stages until they become the only option. All you fellas, find comfort in being vulnerable and dedicate time for yourself to accepting a breakup.

Stage 5 – Regaining trust in a relationship

After having accepted and grieved over a relationship, the next of the stages of a breakup for a man is to regain trust in having a romantic relationship. In this stage you learn about putting those broken pieces back together. A breakup breaks you. Your confidence, your personality and your trust take big hits. You must prioritise yourself  and getting back to who you were. 

For the men regaining trust for future relationships, don’t shy away from the tough uncomfortable conversations with people around trust. Talk about trust with family and friends. Get more confident bringing up those sensitive topics and you’ll thank yourself for in the future.

Trust is a vital aspect of all relationships but even more so romantic relationships! It is so fragile because trust can be broken so easily yet it can be extremely difficult to build. Whatever it was that broke trust in your previous relationship, it should be one of the things have grieved over. Let your grief teach you how trust can be regained and rebuilt. For example, if your ex cheated on you, be honest with future dates and partners that you feel vulnerable about the security of intimacy within a relationship. These transparent conversations help you connect with other people while also building up that much needed trust.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”Stephen Covey

Without trust, a relationship is even more so exposed to the external threats than which it otherwise is. Protect you, your partner and the relationship by putting trust in each other! 

Stage 6 – Having a relationship again

The last of the stages of a breakup for a man is getting back into dating life!  

So, time has passed, you’ve grieved, you’ve rebuilt some important parts of yourself and you’re ready to have a relationship again. That’s awesome! But hang on, that last part has you uncertain – having a relationship again. Don’t worry, that’s not uncommon. It can be pretty hard to know when exactly you are ready to throw your hat in the dating ring. The 5 steps before this one are what help you heal and prepare to be dating again. Put faith in the fact that you have taken time for feelings to settle and you have worked on yourself. You are ready!

When you’ve reached stage 6, have fun. Your romance life deserves some care and attention. Get out there and enjoy those exciting feelings of sparks flying and butterflies in your stomach!

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”Marilyn Monroe

This post has been all about the stages of a breakup for a man. Each relationship and each breakup is so unique. Keep in mind that everyone will have slight variances in how they deal with the intense emotions involved in a breakup, but that’s why supporting  one another is so important. If you’re the one ever going through a breakup, find that support and utilise it. Always love and respect yourself. You are worth what you believe you are!

Thanks for reading!