Strengthen your relationships ⁓ Listen without judgement
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“The deepest connections are developed by listening to the whole person without judgement.”
Joe Noya
Have you ever had a conversation where you’ve felt truly heard, without a hint of judgment in the air? It’s so welcoming and comforting, isn’t it? Non-judgmental listening allows for more open and honest conversations. That type of communication is so crucial when building and strengthening relationships. If you’re wanting to provide unconditional support for friends, family (or you’re other half), it’s important that you remove any form of judgement from the relationship. So, how can you improve your listening skills and learn to listen without judgement? Well, that’s what we’re going to dive deep into very shortly. We’re going to touch on the role of listening in effective communication and all the ways you can practice non-judgmental listening. Find somewhere comfy to park up, grab your favourite cup of coffee and let’s get stuck in!
Effective Communication
Communication is an essential part of all of your relationships, and it has a huge impact on the connections you build. It’s really important that you put effort into communicating effectively. There is a difference between good communication and great, really effective communication. It’s good when there is information shared and it is properly received on both ends. That involves not just speaking your mind, but also carefully listening. Effective communication is where you embrace both the speaking and listening roles, and ensure you listen attentively. At the end of a conversation, you won’t just be able to recite the other person’s points or stories, you’ll also be able to articulate how they’ve felt and explain what emotions they expressed.
Your role as a listener
In your conversations with friends, family members or your S.O. (significant other), it’s important that there is balance. This means you should spend as much time listening as you do speaking. It may not always be an exact 50/50 balance of both roles, but what matters is that you are consciously seeking that balance. So, you should get plenty of opportunities in your week to play the role of the listener, and that means there is more chance for practice and improvement! As a listener you need to give the other person proper recognition, express empathy, and respond positively. You do this by practicing active listening and, of course, you’ve got to listen without judgement. What you need to focus on most when you are the listener is not just the words that are being said, but how they are being said, and identifying what emotion the speaker is feeling.
How to Listen Without Judgement
Being able to listen without judgement is a skill that takes time to develop. You might think ‘I don’t judge my friends, I don’t judge other people‘, although you might be doing so without quite realising (Emily Richard, Illumination, Medium). It can actually be very difficult to deflect thoughts of categorising a person you’re listening to, or to stop yourself from questioning their decision making. Some judgements are even made subconsciously. So, it’s important that you now make a good effort in this journey to becoming a wise, non-judgmental listener.
Stay in the present
It is key that you focus on the present when it comes to making great conversation. Obviously you want to have your attention solely on the person speaking, not the worries of yesterday or the stresses of tomorrow. It helps the other person feel valued and listened to.
So how the heck does this relate to non-judgmental listening? If you remain focused on a present conversation, you are not letting past actions of a person impact your opinion of them. Instead, you’re seeing how they act and speak right now to try build a current, accurate opinion of them. For people that are close to you, this means mistakes can be forgiven (you’re able to move on from the past), and for some of those people you chat with often, it’s just constant reinforcement that they are awesome! On the other hand, for people you don’t know well (or even complete strangers), you are not letting anything you’ve heard about them and their past impact what you think of them. It’s important that people do not get categorised or labelled because of events from their past.
Be in the present, truly listen and you’ll be strengthening relationships better than you ever have before.
Avoid making assumptions
Assumptions are your worst enemy in your goal of building relationships. The false information from assumptions can build a barrier between you and the other person. It can lead to misunderstandings, tension and conflict. Unnecessary tension can be avoided if you remove assumptions from the equation.
There are two types of assumptions that will get in the way of connecting with others. If you listen attentively and without judgement in your convos, then you can stop those barriers from ever being built!
1. Assuming stories or other information is true without proof.
2. Assuming something will happen without true certainty.
When you challenge assuming thoughts, you are allowing yourself to be an open listener. Your mind won’t be occupied with false gossip or predictions of the future, and that is crucial to non-judgmental listening. It also means you will be more invested in the conversations, and you’ll gain more from it. Assumptions go hand-in-hand with judgement, so say goodbye to those hindering thoughts and listen without judgement.
Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions are your secret superpower in communicating with others. Asking the right type of questions helps you move from boring old small talk into important and riveting conversations. As opposed to closed-ended questions, open-ended ones provide the person you are talking with a chance to properly express themselves.
Questions are your tool to capitalise on! Get other people talking so that you have more opportunity to play the listening game. It’s a great method to learning how you can listen without judgement too. With open-ended questions, you are encouraging the speaker to expand upon their answers. That will give you better insight to their life, opinions and emotions. Since you are hearing all the reasons for their answers, it’s far easier to avoid unintended judgement. With short, simplistic questions you are bound to get brief, shallow answers. You’ll miss out on the why, and probably leave the conversations having made some assumptions and judgements.
Ask in-depth questions for some intriguing answers, and you will be several steps closer to a fulfilling, meaningful relationship.
Swap out criticising for observing
Observing in replacement of making criticisms will help you listen without judgment because it shifts your focus from evaluating or analysing to simply observing and understanding. When you observe (listen) without immediately jumping to criticising the other person, you actually give yourself the opportunity to fully absorb what the other person is saying and hear their perspective. Instead of automatically forming judgments or criticisms, you’re going to focus on gathering information and gaining insight into the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
So by replacing criticism with observation you’re creating a space for empathy and understanding to flourish! This method of listening isn’t about pushing away your own opinions or reactions, it’s more about delaying it. This way you give yourself the chance to consider all possible viewpoints/opinions and your dialogue will be more constructive. There’s no doubt this won’t lead to you forming deeper connections and having more effective communication overall.
Try to understand their perspective
One of the most important parts of your role in listening is to try understand the perspective of the person you’re conversing with. Not only is this good for practicing and improving your empathy, but it also helps for you to listen without judgement.
You’ve got to be very attentive when listening to you friends, family or partner because you may not really understand where they’re coming from. If you are only half listening to what they are saying then you’ll probably leave the conversation wondering why they said this or why the said that. Of course, it also makes it a lot more likely that you will pass judgement. The better you understand a person’s argument or viewpoint, the less you will judge it. So, it is key that you put your full focus on the person speaking and aim to learn their perspective in order to be a better non-judgmental listener.
Validate their feelings
Validating the feelings of others will help you become a better listener and friend. It’ll take some practice, but your goal is to acknowledge and accept their emotions as valid, regardless of whether you agree with them or not. This is closely linked to understanding and respecting their perspective. That’s because when you validate someone’s feelings, you’re showing empathy as well. Validating someone’s feelings, does require genuine active listening. It’s gonna help the other person feel heard, understood, and valued. You want them to feel this was as it’ll encourage them to express themselves more openly and honestly.
Without validating someone else’s emotions, you can find yourself guilty of shadowing their feelings with your own judgement or biases – and that is the last thing you want. Instead of harshly or unintentionally dismissing their emotions, you will acknowledge them as valid and worthy of consideration. Practicing this will form mutual respect and trust in your conversations, leading to more meaningful interactions.
These are your 6 go-to methods for learning and practicing non-judgmental listening. They’re all about challenging your thoughts, empathising with others, and becoming a pro, well-rounded listener. Your improvement of this skill is going to lead to interesting and impactful conversations plus stronger and healthier relationships!
