Want to know how to improve communication in your relationship? These are the 11 methods of improving communication in your relationship that you need to know about.
Being in a relationship is extremely fun and exciting! Who doesn’t love the chance to slip on a pair of rose-tinted glasses and become the love-heart eyes emoji? However, being in a relationship is also a journey… there are going to be times when it’s not all smooth sailing. At times it can be difficult to guess what is going on in your partner’s head. This is where good communication plays a key role in your relationship. As two individuals in a long-term relationship, we are giving you our best communication tips that we swear by.
You are going to be learning about listening, acceptance, deflection, and more!
After learning all of these communication tips and tricks, you will be well-equipped to enhance the communication between you and your partner, allowing you to create a stronger connection and a long-lasting relationship.
This post is all about how to improve communication in your relationship.
The Best Communication Tips:
1. Understand your own emotions
Communication in a relationship is not one-sided, it needs both people to be involved. In order to communicate honestly and openly with your partner, you first have to communicate that way with yourself. We all have times when we are feeling a certain negative emotion and our partner asks us what’s wrong. We can revert to saying “I’m fine” because we don’t know how to explain how we are feeling and why we are feeling that way.
Understanding your emotions is extremely important in a relationship.
Identify your triggers
Those “unexplained” moods that we experience do normally have a cause. Sometimes all it takes is one second to step back and assess your situation. The reason for your mood could be as simple as the fact that you haven’t been outside today for some fresh air, you’re hungry or you haven’t drank enough water. Yeah, that’s right, surprisingly water intake can affect your mood. Maybe it’s something a little deeper, like dwelling on unresolved frustration, or a lingering emotion from something that was said to your earlier that day.
Additionally, there may be times when you seemingly “overreact” to a simple event. For example, your partner forgets to collect the item that you asked them to pick up one morning. That emotion that you are feeling may be stemming from a larger issue than just forgetting to pick the item up. It could be stemming from feeling like you are not being listened to, or feeling like your wants and needs are not being considered by your partner.
There are many reasons why we experience emotions. If you are able to make a habit of monitoring and assessing your moods and underlying feelings, you may start noticing trends and the things that trigger certain emotions. You can use this to help you understand and explain your future emotions and even potentially prevent future negative emotions.
Articulate how you are feeling
Write it down. Talk to yourself. Talk to your partner. Whatever works for YOU!
When you externalise your emotions it forces you to process them in a different way. It’s easy enough to just let an emotion sit there and ignore it, but articulating it starts the process of understanding and trying to work through an emotion. Plus if you get better at doing this by yourself, then it is going to be a heck of a lot easier to invite your partner into this process as well.
2. Actually listen
Many of us are brilliant at the talking aspect of communication, but when it comes to listening properly, it’s usually something that needs more work. If you want to improve communication in your relationship try to focus on improving your listening skills.
Give them your full attention- Don’t just listen to respond
It’s time to turn off autopilot!Life is busy! Your day and your mind are busy. It can be too easy at times to just keep an ear out in conversation for key information and your cue to respond. However, communication issues lie in listening to respond. When you are not fully paying attention you may misinterpret the tone they use, miss some key information and miss the chance to fully gauge your partner’s feelings about the topic. When this happens, it is extremely easy for miscommunications to occur because you have interpreted something wrong.
Also, many partners can tell when you are giving them your full attention and can recognise when you are half listening. The quickest way to make your partner feel valued and appreciated is to give them your full attention- this shows them that they are worth your time!
Avoid interrupting
Give your partner the chance to fully say what they want to. Yes, you can sometimes accurately predict how your partner’s sentence is going to end, but sometimes what they were planning to say may be far from what you expected. Give them the respect they deserve and let them finish their own thought. Remember, what they have to say is just as important.
Get out of your own head
You heard me. Stop thinking about all the jobs on your list that you still have to do, or what you feel like eating for dinner tonight. CLEAR your mind. Limit your mental distractions. Be mentally present in the conversation. When I say mentally present, I mean focused on what your partner is saying and not wandering off in your own thought. This will seriously help you absorb the conversation properly and help you remember more of the details for later.
3. Improve your assertive communication
If you want to improve communication in your relationship, then assertive communication is a skill that will be great for you to master.
Use “I” statements
“I” statements are an essential part of assertive communication. Using “I” statements enables you to tell your partner how you feel about a particular situation without placing the blame on them. “You” statements (i.e. “you never do….” or “you always…”) can be perceived as being aggressive and may put your partner in a defensive state or even start a round of the blame game. Using “I” statements neutralises this risk and allows for a more constructive conversation to occur.
Here is an example of how you can adapt your “you” statements into “I” statements:
“You” statement: “You never help around the house”.“I” statement: “I feel unappreciated when I am left to do all the chores around the house. It would mean a lot to me if you could please help me out by doing the washing and taking out the bins”.
Here is an I statement template for you to use:
I feel (address your emotion), when (the reason you feel this way), and therefore (state how you feel the situation would best be resolved).
Keep your voice calm and low in volume
The enemy of a constructive conversation is letting anger and frustration control the volume and tone of our voice. No matter what you are feeling, try to keep your voice as calm as possible and your volume as soft and as close to normal so you can avoid escalating the conversation.
This is actually one of the biggest tips I have learned so far in keeping a debate calm and constructive. If you are able to keep your emotions at bay and keep your voice calm then the conversation is likely to remain this way. This works even if your partner is speaking to you with a raised voice.
How this works:
When they speak to you at a raised volume, respond with a quieter volume of voice. Then, with every response try to make your voice gradually calmer and softer. What you will notice in doing so is that your partner’s voice will also start to drop in volume and return to normal. Voilà, you have de-escalated your discussion!
Ensure a resolution to the issue
Part of assertive communication is ensuring that a resolution is reached that works for both you and your partner. So take the time to properly hear each other out and make sure you find a way to remedy the situation that suits both of your needs and wants.
Practice
Being assertive is a great skill to add to your communication skillset, but it takes a lot of practice and self-control to master (believe me, we are both still practicing). Make a conscious effort to practice assertive communication every time a situation arises. Trust me, it will get easier with time and practice.
Hint: It might also benefit you to introduce your partner to the idea of assertive communication. How great would communication in your relationship be if assertive communication eventually came to you both automatically?
4. Understand communication needs
Does your partner respond best to physical touch? Do you need lots of verbal affirmation?
Understanding your partner’s communication needs, as well as your own, is very important to improving your communication in the relationship. If you are a person that needs lots of physical connection (e.g. hand holding, hugs, kisses), then make sure your partner knows it so they can create more opportunities for it. If you know that your partner needs to be told that you love them or that they look good, then make sure to do so.
Understanding communication needs can go a long way to making you both feel valued and fulfilled within the relationship. It also helps you find your communication boundaries. If you know that your partner is highly emotional in conversation, then you know to give them a minute to calm down if you feel them becoming overwhelmed. If you’re more of an introverted person and need a bit of space to process your day before hearing about your partner’s, then let them know!
Your partner is not a mind reader, so make sure to tell them what you need when it comes to communication in your relationship. If you don’t know exactly what they need, that’s okay, ask them. It will show you care.
5. Be aware of non-verbal communication
Facial expressions
Your brain is hard-wired for communication and connection. A lot of us are able to identify and differentiate a number of different emotions well and are able to recognise and mirror slight changes in facial expressions. This is why it is important to make eye contact with your partner and pay attention to them while they are speaking. You will soon be able to tell if what they are saying matches up with how their facial expressions show they feel about it.
Body language
One way to get clues about how your partner may be really feeling is by looking at their body language.
Are they facing toward you? Are they leaning in toward you slightly? Or do they have their arms crossed and they’re facing slightly away from you? These little changes in your partner’s positioning and posture can mean the difference between them feeling open and engaged or feeling defensive and trying to be protective of themselves.
It is important to be responsive to the cues that your partner is giving you. If you feel like they are engaged and open, then that’s your cue to keep the conversation going. If you feel like they are giving you cues that the conversation is getting a bit too much, then it may be a good idea to listen to that cue and back off for a minute.
Be aware of your non-verbal communication
You are giving out just as many silent messages through your non-verbal communication. Make sure you are sending out the right messages. When really trying to listen and make your partner feel heard, it is a good idea to do the following:
- Face your partner
- Lean slightly towards them
- Maintain eye contact
- Keep your arms by your sides or in a neutral position
- Mirror their facial expressions (you will most likely do this naturally if you are making eye contact)
Doing these things will signify to your partner that you are open, engaged, and empathetic toward them.
6. Resist the temptation to deflect
Another great way to improve communication in your relationship is to stay in the present. Deal with one issue at a time.
Your conversation is never going to be productive if you divert from the main issue by bringing up things that have happened in the past. This kind of deflection shows that you are not willing to be accountable for your actions. Bringing up the past only causes frustration and will result in a long journey toward a resolution. Save the hassle by sticking to the topic.
Another way some people deflect is through sarcasm and humour. If you or your partner are using tactics like this to avoid showing your true feelings, make effort in changing these habits. Try your best to communicate about deflective tendencies and you will slowly move away from this to improve your level of communication.
7. Be accountable for your actions
It takes two to tango…
Owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions are important for a healthy relationship. It is okay to make mistakes and have shortcomings- you are only human. Accepting accountability shows maturity and allows the opportunity for growth.
This will help improve communication in your relationship because having the self-awareness to reflect on poor decisions or regretful actions is a great step in understanding why others make mistakes, including your partner.
8. Don’t sweep things under the rug
Be honest and open about the things that frustrate you. It is better to talk about something when it is a small issue than to leave it to become something much larger and more difficult to deal with. Unresolved issues are like a pebble in a shoe, at the start it’s a mild annoyance but the longer you leave it, the more damage it does. Keep the conversation going until the issue is resolved. To avoid it can be detrimental.
Try to stick to the rule of discussing things within a 48hr period after they have occurred. The longer you leave an issue, the harder it will be to bring it up.
9. Choose the right time and place
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “there’s a time and a place”, well it exists for a reason. Choosing the right time and place is essential to any conversation.
Choose the right time & Check your partner’s mental space
Our ability to communicate and listen effectively is impacted by many things. One of those things can be mental and emotional load. For example, your partner may have just arrived home from a very stressful day at work and you are wanting to offload an important yet taxing conversation onto them. They may not have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with such a conversation. This means that your partner may not give you their full attention, may become frustrated easily, and may not be as willing to compromise. However, this could all just be because you caught them at the wrong time. Understanding when and where to bring up different types of conversations will help improve communication in the relationship.
Make sure to check in with your partner’s mental and emotional state before you address certain topics. This can be done by reflecting empathetically on their situation, i.e. “I know they have had a difficult day, maybe I should bring this up after they have had a chance to relax”. You can also do this by just asking them. “Hey babe, I have something a bit more serious that I’d like to talk to you about, are you in the frame of mind to deal with it right now?”.
Choose the setting for your conversation
The setting in which a conversation occurs can affect the tone of the conversation as well as the mental and emotional space in which you and your partner are in.
For more serious topics, try to choose a neutral space where you both will feel comfortable expressing yourselves openly. If the topic is more sensitive, try choose a safe, private space away from people that could eavesdrop.
10. Compromise
You are in a relationship. It is not all about you anymore. Not everything will go 100% your way 100% of the time. If it does, then that may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. It is near impossible to be in a relationship where your partner will always have the exact same wants, opinions, and ideas as you… unless you are dating yourself.
You both will have had different life experiences, backgrounds, and upbringings. So, your outlook on things may be completely different. Try to be understanding and work with your partner to achieve an outcome that will benefit both of you. That way you both will be encouraged to achieve the desired outcome and nobody is left feeling undervalued.
11. Have fun together
Lastly, if you want to improve communication in your relationship, then make some time to simply have fun with your partner. A big part of communicating effectively is to be able to do so in all kinds of situations. Good communication isn’t exclusively for serious topics. Every time you interact, you are establishing and strengthening the foundation for how you communicate as a couple.
Having fun together develops the bond and the feelings of intimacy that you share with your partner. These feelings help build an important layer of trust that will help you and your partner open up to one another. So go out there and do something fun together!
These are the communication methods we focus on practicing as a couple. They are the ones we recommend to you to improve communication in your relationship.
