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It is important in life for you to learn how to better yourself in a relationship… but it is not always easy to do so. However, to be the best possible partner is great aim that you should strive for. A goal of improving yourself not only for your partner but for yourself as well, can help push you into making positive changes that might not otherwise be made.

In the steps below, it will be necessary that you look into what you hold valuable in your relationship. Anything that is valuable to you and your partner is anything that brings positive feelings or that you find meaning in.

Make sure that you do not lose your current priorities in your relationship only to improve others. It is extremely important that you hold value in each aspect of a relationship that you can.

You may find it difficult to identify what you would like to improve in yourself, or you may have difficulty making the improvements that you want to make.

These five steps will help you to make progress in how to better yourself in a relationship.

Bettering yourself in a relationship

How to better yourself in a relationship is different from how you better yourself as an individual. Bettering yourself as an individual is all about recognising things that you are not happy with within yourself, so that you can be a better version of you, for you. It is about improving your own characteristics, so that you can have a better self image, increased self confidence and be more able to achieve the goals you set for yourself because you believe in yourself.

If you are noticing that you could be providing more value to your relationship, or are looking to adopt better personal habits within the relationship, then that is a great reason to look at bettering yourself as a partner.

These steps will guide you to isolate certain aspects that need improving. You may find that improving who you are in a relationship will translate to improving yourself as a person however it is important that we keep them separate as objectives. To want to be a better person is undoubtedly an admirable goal. Although it will involve a different process than these five steps.

Imagine yourself as the best partner to your other half. What does that look like to you? Are you that? Strive to be that! With time and well-focused energy, you will become that best version.

5 steps to better yourself in your relationship

1) Understand the purpose of your relationship

Ask yourself this: what is the purpose of this romantic relationship? It is a very deep question, right? A reason it is important you ask yourself this, to begin with, is that it provokes significant thoughts like why you are in the relationship and what you love about the relationship. These thoughts help you to identify what is going well. You could maybe even write these thoughts down.

When you know what positives you have, you can find out what may be lacking or what you may want to change or improve so that there is even more going well for the relationship.

The other reason you ask yourself this question is that the answer will help give us direction. This is about setting goals. The purpose of your relationship should be unique to others. Think beyond the surface of loving and caring for one another and you will remind yourself of core purpose.

The benefits of provoking deep thought will help you move into step 2 of how to better yourself in a relationship.

2) Discover what you do well in the relationship

Think about how you bring joy and happiness into your partner’s life. What do you do day-to-day that expresses your worth to them? It may be the simple or little things that come to mind like listening to how work has been for them or cooking a meal for you both. Each of these little things, along with greater displays of affection, is what adds value to your relationship.

Note down what holds value in your relationship and what level of input you have on this. Putting it on paper will help you realise what you are doing well in the relationship. Similar to step one, it is about further identifying what aspects of your relationship are worth focusing on to improve.

It is also worth having a conversation with your partner to gather their opinion on what you are currently doing well. They may bring up other aspects of the relationship you yourself have not yet considered needing improving.

3) Make a plan

To better yourself in your relationship, after having identified what you would like to improve, you must make a plan. Like any other goal-setting situation, you can not simply go off and improve upon something without a plan. Keep in mind how you would like to progress and how you monitor that progression.

It will most likely be a matter of building a good habit or ending a bad one. Making a plan to begin a new habit should not be confusing or comprehensive. It is more the case of having something hold you accountable. For example, you plan to begin sending your partner a text message or plan to write them a little post-it note message each morning. For a start you may do it for the first week, but then forget the next. To overcome this, part of your plan might be to put a reminder message on your alarm, to help you be more consistent and build the habit.

Do not be afraid to reach out to another person for help in tracking your progress. For example, you might mention to a friend you are trying to improve the way you communicate with your partner in social situations. Asking them for feedback is another way to keep up with your progression in this case.

Making a plan to better yourself in a relationship is about setting yourself goals and holding yourself accountable in achieving them.

4) Communicate about the improvements you plan to make

Communication is key. Remember that wanting to better yourself in a relationship is not rare. You could even talk to you partner about your intentions, if you haven’t mention it to them already. It’s nice if they know what you are attempting to improve and how you plan to do so. In fact, they might really appreciate knowing you recognise improvement can always be made and it might even encourage them to do the same. It does not in any way have to be a serious or formal conversation. Let them know in a way that you feel comfortable, but be open and honest about what you have recognised through the proceeding steps. They can then have a chance to provide their opinions too.

Tell you other half about your plan so that they can help keep you accountable and committed too. Communication like this is also very encouraging long term because as you form new habits or break old ones, you will have your other half showing appreciation for it. It will make the potential difficulties in making the changes easier to deal with it and if your partner knows, they can be there to support and encourage you to persevere.

5) Take action

Time to take action! Then final step and one that you definitely shouldn’t skip!

If you have followed the steps up to here it means that you have been able to evaluate your relationship and yourself as a partner. You have also made a plan for what you want to improve and have communicated this to you partner. At this point, you are all set and ready to start working towards your improvement.

Now is the time to start putting all this thought and effort into action and putting you plan to work! Don’t let it go to waste!

Follow your plan and stick to it. Yes, there will be moments when you feel you lose progress or are not making any progress. However, improving yourself as a partner will be a test of resilience, patience and love. So, keep on trying to improve even when it is not going according to plan or not happening overnight.

Take action, stay accountable, and continue communicating with your partner. Improving yourself in a relationship will take time and it may not be easy. The great thing is that you can seek help from your partner to find that extra encouragement you may need.

Self-improvement in a relationship vs Improving a relationship

How to better yourself in a relationship is very different from how you improve a relationship. Ensure that when you are using the five steps above that you are focusing on yourself and your behavior in your romantic relationship. Improving a relationship entirely involves effort from both parties and can be a lot more comprehensive. If you have deeper concerns about your relationship that lie outside of your control, then it is worth having a conversation about that with your partner so that you can start to work on those concerns together.

It is key that you stay aware of how you could improve in each aspect of how you treat your partner and interact with your partner. It is not a matter of becoming perfect (nobody is perfect) but rather a matter of making an effort to continue improving yourself in your relationship. This self-awareness will prove to your partner that they are worth every ounce of effort you have.