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Some days it feels like you are surrounded by happy couples. Everywhere you look people are madly in love and in happy relationships. That’s great! We should be celebrating these happy couples because we can learn from their habits and incorporate them into our own relationships.
Happy couples do not exist just by chance… well, maybe they do in their beginning stages… you know the honeymoon period where it is all sunshine and rainbows. However, people in long-term relationships are certainly not happy by chance. Relationships take a lot of work, commitment and effort. This means that those long-term happy couples you are seeing will have built and committed to habits that ensure they maintain a happy lifestyle together. Below is an outline of some of these habits that happy couples adopt in order to maintain a positive relationship with each other.
This post is all about the habits of happy couples.
Habits Of Super Happy Couples:
They find daily connection
What does it mean to feel a connection? Maybe it’s a loving hug when their partner walks through the door or a thoughtful text to remind their partner that they love them. Happy couples make time in their day to physically and emotionally connect with their partner. Seemingly small physical actions like hugs, holding hands, maintaining eye contact and kissing can have a great effect on enhancing feelings of connection between you and your partner. It, therefore, helps generate intimacy within the relationship. Similarly, words of affirmation, like reminding your partner how much they mean to you, can also maintain or increase the level of connection between you.
Finding daily connections may also be sharing moments of quality time together. A couple of examples would be the habit of sitting down with a cup of tea in the evenings and having a catch-up or going for a walk after dinner. Another one could be that they have an activity they do together on a particular weeknight, like a sport.
They make time for check-in sessions together
Happy couples regularly schedule check-in sessions with their partner to see how they are doing and discuss anything that is bothering them. This doesn’t have to be a formal sit-down by any means. It could just be talking while out on a walk, or over a cup of coffee. However the nature of this interaction may look for you, it is a good thing to do. It allows you to realign yourself with your partner, discuss issues while they are small (rather than letting them turn into big problems) and allows you the time to plan for the near future (like the upcoming week or month).
For ideas of questions to use to direct your check-in sessions, have a look at the “Put a spotlight on your relationship” section of this post.
They focus on their partner’s strengths and efforts, rather than their shortcomings
Your thoughts and words can seriously impact how you view and feel about your partner.
One tendency of unhappy couples is that they focus too much on what their partner does wrong or what they feel their partner is lacking. This generally results in them developing negative expectations of their partner. Therefore, when their partner displays negative behaviour {like getting frustrated and overreacting to something small} they attribute the behaviour to being something internal to the relationship. Something internal to the relationship may be their partner’s personality. So, they might react by saying something like, “OMG you get frustrated way too easily, don’t be so aggressive”. Additionally, if their partner displays positive behaviour {like randomly cooking them their favourite meal} they are more likely to attribute the behaviour to something external to the relationship. They might have worrying thoughts like, OMG they must be cheating on me.
These attributions get flipped the other way around when it comes to happy couples. Happy couples have a tendency to focus on their partner’s strengths and celebrate the efforts that they make. This nurtures a positive view of their partner and develops positive expectations for them. Therefore, when their partner shows negative behaviour {like getting frustrated and overreacting to something small} they are more likely to attribute that behaviour to something external to their relationship. So, they might respond by saying, “work must be super stressful for you at the moment, how can I help you?” In contrast to this, when their partner does something nice for them {like cooking them their favourite meal out of the blue} they are more likely to attribute this behaviour to something that is internal to the relationship. This will encourage positive thoughts like, Wow, they are so thoughtful and romantic.
They communicate about everything
Happy couples form habits of communicating about the good the bad and the ugly. Instead of holding onto negative emotions, avoiding tough topics, and only talking about the good stuff, happy couples express their feelings and talk about uncomfortable things with their partner. It is impressive that happy couples are able to work through problems while also being each other’s support person when they need it. That is the goal! When this is the case, both partners feel comfortable tackling some of the more difficult topics because they know that their partner will listen to them and respectfully navigate the topics with them.
They are interested in each other’s interests
Happy couples recognise that, although they are one team, they are still individuals within their relationship. So, they celebrate the things that make them different. They take an interest in learning about the other person’s hobbies (even if it is something they normally wouldn’t find interesting) and encourage them to pursue their interests. This doesn’t mean that they have to actively participate in their partner’s hobbies (because they should feel free to have their own). They support their partner by being willing to listen to them talk about their hobby/interest, ask them questions about it and, depending on the type of hobby, show up to support them in doing it.
They balance “me” time and “us” time
Another one of the habits which happy couples have is that they develop a balance between “us” time and “me” time.
The “US” time couples
Couples that fall on the extreme end of “US” time include people who tend to get so caught up in their relationship and their partner that they forget to exist as an individual outside of their relationship. They tend to neglect their “ME” time to maximise the “US” time. Understandably, this is a typical behaviour seen in new relationships because everything is fresh and exciting and you are trying to get to know one another. However, this way of existing is not sustainable in the long term. Long term, this behaviour can be harmful because they can lose sight of themselves, abandon their own interests and in some cases become codependent and neglect their other relationships.
THe “ME” time couples
On the other end of the spectrum is the “ME” time couples. These couples tend to focus so much of their time on themselves and their own individual interests that they invest very minimal amounts of time and effort into their relationship.
At times life can force you to shift the balance heavily towards “ME” time. For example, if you are keen on running marathons and your partner prefers the comfort of the couch, you may naturally need to give up “US” time in order to properly prepare for marathons. This kind of behaviour is okay when it is periodic. It becomes problematic when it feels like you are living your own individual life and your partner merely exists next to you. The reason this is problematic long term is that it results in a lack of connection and understanding between two people. Lacking these crucial components in a relationship can lead to a whole range of other problems like increased tension, conflict, and feelings of neglect.
hAPPY COUPLES
Happy couples, on the other hand, build habits that ensure that they find the balance between “US” and “ME” time. Within their week, they plan to have time apart to pursue individual interests and work on their own friendships while also setting aside together time so they properly connect. They may plan to have quality time together during their week, such as a date night or a shared hobby. Or, they may choose to make little moments of connection in their week, like spending 10 uninterrupted moments when they get home to talk about their day together.
They talk positively about each other to other people and have each other’s backs
Happy couples don’t just form habits that keep them happy when they are together, they develop habits to keep themselves happy even when their other half is not around. Happy couples talk positively about their partner to other people. They don’t constantly go around airing their dirty laundry, saying hurtful negative things about their partner and complaining to others about them. Instead, when the opportunity arises, they say kind and positive things about their partner to the people around them. This is important because sharing positive thoughts with others can reinforce thought patterns and expectations regarding how someone views their partner and therefore can influence feelings and behaviours towards them.
Regardless of the circumstances, happy couples are a team. This means that they stick up for each other and have each other’s backs. This means that if someone was talking unkindly about a partner when they were not around, the other partner would stick up for them.
Have together goals and dreams and make time to visit and evaluate them regularly
Another habit that happy couples have is creating shared goals and dreams. They understand that while it is important to have individual goals and aspirations, working towards shared goals and dreams is also important. It is another thing that helps build connections and creates a shared pathway from which they can build a life together and ensure they are moving in the same direction.
They find little ways to show their love
Happy couples know that it’s the little things that go a long way. A happy long-term relationship doesn’t need to be consistently filled with grand romantic gestures or extravagant dates. While these things are lovely to have and great to do from time to time (we all love to be spoilt by the one we love), they can be hard to maintain.
Happy couples try to find little ways in their everyday life to express their love to their partner. This will look different in each relationship because each couple will have different love languages. Couples that show their love through words of affirmation may randomly leave love notes for their partner to find or send them love texts when they are not around. Whereas, couples that show their love through physical touch might give their partner a back, head or foot massage while they watch their favourite TV show or spend an extra few minutes snuggling with their partner in bed in the morning.
They share the load of mundane tasks
This habit of happy couples is about the balance of workload. Happy couples function as a team, they work together. Working together means that one person is not left to do all the chores and general life admin while the other gets all the time in the world to do what they want. In a team, you share the load and help each other to get through each week of tasks. They may split up chores based on preferences, or if there are jobs that they both hate doing, they may take the time to do them together (which might make the job more enjoyable).
When it comea to arguing, they are a team
The aim is not to “win”
Happy couples understand that if the goal of an argument is to “win” then their relationship will end up suffering as a consequence. They realise they are not against each other in an argument, but rather on the same team. Therefore, the point of their arguments becomes trying to reach a solution that benefits both of them. This mindset encourages them to make an effort to work through those problems and not give up.
Apologising and reconnecting are important
Another part of this habit is that happy couples make time to apologise and positively reconnect with each other after an argument. This means they recognise if they have hurt their partner’s feelings in any way during the argument and they apologise for it and truly mean it. Additionally, they also recognise their partner might need a little bit of space to process their own emotions after an argument and they’ll allow them the space to do so. Once they both have had the time and space to reflect and process their feelings, they come together and positively reconnect.
This reconnection can be in many different forms. For some couples, it may be physical reconnection in which they may like to share a long hug, hold hands or share another form of physical contact. It could also be a spiritual reconnection like rebalancing each other by syncing up their breaths and having a moment of extended eye contact in silence. For other couples it may be through conversation such as moving onto a lighter topic, sharing positive affirmation or finding something you can laugh about together.
They practice individual self-care
Happy couples know that in order to be the best partner they can be they need to look after themselves first. They practice individual self-care so that they can be in a better state mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually without relying on their partner to help them reach normal functionality. This means they ensure they are getting enough sleep, eating nutritiously, expressing gratitude, and investing some of their time into things they enjoy. Of course, these habits can be built alongside each other and therefore people may practice good habits of their own with their partner. Just remember the importance of being self-reliant and not relying on your partner for maintaining good self-care.
They are appreciative of each other
A habit of happy couples is that they take the time to appreciate each other.
This can be as simple as recognising day-to-day efforts and thanking them for them, rather than letting it go unnoticed. For example, saying to their partner, “Thank you so much for taking the time to cook us such a delicious and nutritious meal, I really appreciate it”, or “Thank you for recognising that I was feeling a bit stressed and for bringing me a hot drink to help me relax.”
It could also be appreciating who their partner is and what they mean to them. Again, each couple has different love languages, so this appreciation might be expressed differently between each individual couple. What is important is that this appreciation does get expressed, because this recognition helps feelings of intimacy and connection in a relationship.
They keep things in perspective
Another habit of happy couples is that they don’t blow things out of proportion. This is to say that one little thing does not cause the relationship to crumble. For example, if someone’s partner forgets to do one small thing that was asked of them, the other partner must make an effort to not fly off the rails and say things along the lines of… “You never care for me or pay attention to me. You are so insensitive, I’m done!” Happy couples try to keep everything in perspective. In this example, their partner may have had a busy day and it simply slipped their mind. Someone from a happy couple may well still express frustration, but they know the importance of taking time to see the situation from their partner’s perspective.
Also, happy couples count their lucky stars! Every couple goes through disagreements and hardships. The difference between happy couples and other couples is that happy couples recognise how good they have it! They forget about those arguments and scuffles because so many of them do get blown out of proportion.
JORDAN, I AM CONFUSED ABOUT WRITING THIS ONE, PLEASE ADD YOUR THOUGHTS. Bold paragraph is mine… good addition? I think it fleshes it out just enough???
They try to go to bed at the same time
Rather than one person falling asleep while the other one is still up, in another room, on their phone or watching tv, happy couples have routine habits of going to bed at the same time. This is an important habit because it allows them to stay in sync with their partner. Going to bed at the same time means they are winding down and getting ready for rest together. It also allows them time to reconnect in the last moments of their day and leaves more opportunities for romantic intimacy to occur.
They are able to share a laugh together
Happy couples know that it is important to be friends as well as partners. This simply means that if all the love, passion and physical intimacy were to be removed, they would still enjoy simply being together.
Therefore, happy couples have built habits that allow them to share a laugh together and not take everything so seriously all of the time. They have fun together! They may share funny memes or reels with each other, they may randomly pull silly faces at each other, or they may decide to have a goofy moment to lighten a boring task. Whatever it is that they do to achieve it, they try to make life together a little bit less serious and more fun by having a laugh.
These are the habits of happy couples. Ultimately, happy couples function as a team and safeguard their happiness by focusing on some of the habits mentioned above. What habits do you think you will work on in your relationship?
