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Hello, friendship seekers! Attracting friends is not always an easy task, is it? It’s common to see things like social status and cultural differences as barriers when forming friendships, but these and other barriers can be broken down. If you’re keen to break these barriers and form meaningful connections, then you have come to the right place! We have collated this list of 15 practical tips that is going to help speed up your search for finding the friends you truly want in your life.
You might have asked yourself in the past, “why can’t I find good friends?” or, “why is it hard for me to find friends?” Well, these insightful tips are going to ease your mind from these questions by giving you a boost in self-confidence and a better understanding of how you can navigate complicated social dynamics. Your key focus in this journey is going to be improving yourself. This will be done by acquiring or emphasisng certain personality traits and developing your social skills.
This blog post is all about attracting friends
1. Be Genuine, Be Yourself
Authenticity is attractive! When you see other people take their guard down and let their true personality shine through, it’s amazing. It’s a compliment you hear everywhere – “I love that _____ is just so genuine.” If you’ve ever felt the need to hide your true self or keep your guard up to please others, it’s usually because you’re feeling a little insecure. Showing who you really are may feel a tad scary at first, but it will attract the right friends. If you are constantly putting on a persona, you’ll form inauthentic friendships that remain as shallow connections. Plus, it’s exhausting! Stay true to you and you’ll attract the friends that you’re hoping for.
It’s also important to not iron out your imperfections. Trying to be perfect is a draining endeavor that only makes it more difficult to relate with others. Everyone is imperfect. If you don’t reach a goal, forgive yourself and if you make a mistake, that’s 100% okay. Look on the bright side of the missteps in your journey. Mistakes, failures and terrible situations can make for hilarious stories and serve as great learning opportunities. Never be afraid to laugh at yourself – embrace those imperfections!
2. Smile and Be Enthusiastic
“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” – George Eliot
Smiling is a powerful thing. When you adopt a positive mindset, put on a smile and show enthusiasm you will be well on track to attracting friends. Other people are attracted to positive energy. Think of someone you’d describe as “friendly”. Are they smiley, enthusiastic and kind seeming? Aim to be that person! We’re not saying that you need to wear a smile even on the worst of days – you’re human, you’re allowed to be emotional. It’s about providing positive energy to make others feel welcome to approach you and talk with you. Smiling is contagious, elevate your mood, and relieves stress (10 Big Benefits of Smiling, VeryWell Mind). Your smile is your superpower!
3. Participate in Activities That Interest You
Sharing common interests is an incredibly common reason for people becoming friends. So, for attracting friends, it makes a whole lot of sense to get stuck into some hobbies and activities that spark your interest. Whether it’s a sport, reading, video games or a form of art, go find a group to join. Involving yourself in groups where you are bound to find people that share your hobby is the perfect pathway to finding new friends! Find events or organisations on different online platforms like Meetup or Facebook. Once you make a few connections within a group, it’s a lot easier to make conversation, strengthen bonds and form long-lasting friendships.
4. Be Willing to Share Information About Yourself
Conversations are most constructive and interesting when they are balanced. It’s essential that you go into a conversation willing to talk at least a little bit about yourself. Attracting friends and maintaining friendships will always be easier with effective, balanced communication. You may feel confident while listening or asking questions right now, but it is important that you gather confidence to talk about yourself and your story – particularly in the ‘getting to know each other’ stage. There is nothing more frustrating than when you are trying to make conversation and learn more about someone at an event yet all they do is respond with one word answers. People who are willing to share information about themselves and tell intriguing stories are the ones that attract others in conversation and build rapport quickly. However, it’s best to try not go overboard – remember the balance. Nobody wants to hear a whole life story in one sitting, so pace yourself and feel the flow of your conversations.
5. Show Genuine Interest
Everyone appreciates when they feel interesting, heard and understood. You can definitely tell when people are losing interest in you, or in a conversation. You don’t want to be one of those people. When you are meeting someone new, giving them your full attention and showing genuine interest goes a long way. There’ll be occasions where you lose interest because of a ‘dry’ topic or a story that never seems to end, that is normal. For those situations, it’s important that you re-focus and ask questions you are interested in hearing the answer to (even if that means veering the conversation into a new direction with a new topic).
These next 2 tips do link to this broader, overarching piece of advice. Show genuine interest through asking good questions and actively listening.
6. Learn to Ask Good Questions
When you are trying to attract friends, being inquisitive is really effective. This may come quite naturally, or you may need some practice. There is no real guideline to what questions are “good ones” or “bad ones”, it’s really about gauging which questions will get the other person talking! At first in a conversation you should ask questions that are relevant to what was previously said to show you are actually interested in what’s being talked about. The further you get into a conversations, the deeper you can dive in. Move away from the simple small talk queries and ask more obscure questions. Ask questions about their interests, experiences, and opinions. It’s not just about asking hundreds of questions, though. The “quality of a conversation” is impacted by the “type, tone, sequence and framing” of your questions (The Surprising Power of Questions, HBR). The more confidence you gain, the more obscure and challenging your questions can become.
7. Be a Good Listener
People value feeling listened to. Active and effective listening is as powerful as asking the right questions. Make sure that you put a good amount of energy into listening actively when others are speaking, because it’ll help you greatly in attracting friends. This is a really good way to show that you’re interested in people. Being a good listener with potential friends will have them feeling grateful. It increases the chances of them opening up and then forming a strong bond with you. Actively listening should involve affirmative body language. Maintaining eye contact, timely nodding and open arms are key non-verbal ques (What is Active Listening, VeryWell Mind).
8. Don’t Be Afraid to Start a Conversation
Initiating conversation is difficult. Even for the most confident people, nerves run wild when approaching strangers. The thing is, to overcome your fear or stress of starting a conversation, you’ve got to get out there are practice. In time, with good practice, it’ll get easier and easier. You can try different ways of striking up a chat and figure out what works for you. Once you are more comfortable, initiating conversation will act as a key tool in attracting friends. People admire the confidence it takes to walk up to someone you don’t know and get talking.
It’s also good to be the one who starts a conversation because otherwise it may never come about! An entire friendship can be started with one “hello”. If you are forever too nervous to greet that one person you know would be an awesome companion, then you’ll regret in later years. Overcome those nerves and put yourself out there!
9. Be a Connector
Being a connector is a great method for meeting new people and attracting new friends. Connecting groups of friends may seem daunting, but it can really pay off! How you choose to involve different groups of friends with one another is up to you. It could be a house party where everyone can be free to mingle, or it could be a day out doing a fun activity. Depending on the people you’ve invited, why not try something like paintballing or bowling! If that’s not up your ally, let your common interest guide you in finding a better suited activity. Invite multiple friend groups you’re a part of to the one event, or invite friends of friends! Either way, you are creating a big network of friends that’s only helping you extend that network further!
10. Cultivate a “Challenge Accepted” Mindset
What is a challenge accepted mindset?
Well, it’s not as complicated as it may seem. This mindset is all about embracing challenges. When a difficult task prevents itself or is thrown at you, your response will be: I can do it. I will do it. You’ll be constantly reminding yourself that every challenge is a learning opportunity and a chance to grow.
Approach life with a “challenge accepted” mindset. It is a desirable mindset as it leads to great personal growth and self improvement. Embrace new experiences, say yes to opportunities, and encourage others to join you on your adventures! This attitude is infectious and it attracts like-minded individuals. So, to be attracting friends with this mindset, you’re best to adopt it yourself. Get out there and challenge yourself!
11. Remember What People Tell You
Remembering key pieces of information about people can go a long way. When meeting someone 1 on 1 you typically have a good opportunity to ask key questions and figure out important info, like what they do for a job. Remembering the list of details can get quite tough, though. What’s even more challenging is trying to memorise information after meeting several new people at one event. A great tactic is to record what you do remember when you leave the event. Writing down names and details on a note or typing a list on your phone will help a ton. What is also super helpful is reciting what you remember in conversation with one of the people you attended the event with. For example, you could catch up with this person over coffee and bring up what you do remember to spark interesting conversations. It could be that you ask about one of the couple’s marriages – “how long have they been together?”, “do they have children?” Using this sort of opportunity does not just help you remember, but you’ll also learn a little more.
Remembering what you are told by potential friends and building upon that information the next time you see them will show that you listened very well and genuinely care about what they have to tell you.
12. Learn to Tell Gripping Stories
An awesome skill to acquire when looking for friends is good story telling. Sharing stories helps in attracting friends because it builds trust, empathy, understanding, and it can be entertaining. When you tell a gripping story, you’re demanding attention, roping people in, getting them interested in what they’re yet to be told. That is extremely powerful when it comes to seeking and growing friendships. Others will want you as their friend when your stories give an insightful viewpoint, open up their minds to new ideas and challenge their thoughts. Those interesting conversations allow others to see the world through your lens, develop empathy for you while also enjoying the entertainment factor.
13. See Yourself Through the Eyes of Others
If attracting friends is feeling indescribably difficult, then it may well be time to sit down in front of the mirror. You’ve got to ask yourself, “am I being the type of person that I’d like to befriend?” If the answer is no, let’s work to change that. Looking at yourself through the eyes of others gives you an idea of how you can improve yourself and/or improve how good of a friend you are. Identify a select few things that you think you need to work on and focus on those. Increasing your self esteem and picturing yourself in a brighter light certainly helps you become more desirable as a friend.
14. Understand What Type of Friends You Want to Attract
Who do you want as your friends? Seems like a straight forward question, right? It might not be as straight forward of an answer. Sure, you might filter your friendship search by people who play volleyball, people that are cinema lovers, or people who are obsessed with baking, but that is not what truly matters on your search for friendships. When thinking of what type of friends you’d like to attract, think about their personality traits – are they kind, supportive, care-free? Also consider things like the stage of life they’re in (are they single or in a committed relationship, are they studying or do they work 40 hour weeks), core values and what they will offer you as a friend.
15. Be Open to New Friendships
To follow on from the previous tip, be open to making friends with people you wouldn’t normally make friends with. Get away from that closed mindset, and allow yourself to look at everyone as a potential friend. It shouldn’t matter whether people are from different cultures, have different hobbies or if they are visiting from out of town. You could form meaningful, fulfilling friendships with so many people in this world, so don’t close yourself off. When you befriend people you usually would not give time to, you’ll find that it’s a great way to have your views challenged, learn more about the world and expand your understanding of people in general.
That’s your 15 practical tips for attracting friends! Use these on your search for more amazing friendships, share some stories down below, and continue your friendship journey here.
