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Are you feeling drained, lacking intimacy, and abandoning your self-care? Did you know that these are signs you need some alone time in a relationship?
Sometimes needing alone time can be an explicit feeling- you may feel an actual desire for it. Other times, the signs you are needing it may be a bit more subtle and difficult to spot. Either way, you should keep an eye out for these signs and acknowledge them when they occur. For the sake of your own well-being and the health of your relationship, it is important not to ignore these signs when you experience them.
In this post, we will reveal to you 11 signs you need some alone time in a relationship so that you know what to look out for!
Is it Normal to Have Alone Time in a Relationship?
Yes! It is absolutely normal to have alone time in a relationship.
Alone time is essential! Even if you are in a healthy, loving, and supportive relationship, it is still super important that you get enough alone time. In fact, healthy relationships are ones where there is a balance between time spent together and time spent alone. Alone time allows you to recharge, refocus on your identity, and ultimately strengthen your bond with your partner. Therefore, it plays an important role in relationships.
11 Signs You Need Some Alone Time in a Relationship
1. It’s been too long since you last caught up with your friends
It can be super easy in relationships (especially in new ones) to become hyper-focused on your partner and spend all your time with them. This comes at a cost over time though, because it leads you to neglect your other relationships. Eventually, you might find yourself missing your friends, or you might notice that it’s been a while since you last saw your friends. If this is the case, it might be a sign that you need to find yourself some alone time in your relationship so you can hang out with your friends again.
Friendships are super important for giving you support, boosting your mental health, and giving you a sense of belonging. They should not be something you abandon! Find yourself a partner who respects and supports your need to see your friends. Or, make sure you establish boundaries with your partner so that you can get enough time to connect with your friends.
2. You don’t feel connected to yourself
If you don’t get enough alone time in a relationship, another thing that can happen is that you can lose your sense of identity. This is because you get so absorbed in doing things with your partner and intertwining your interests with theirs. So much so, that you forget about the things that you enjoy doing by yourself and or even who you are when you are by yourself.
Therefore it is essential that you get some time alone in your relationship so that you can reconnect to your emotions, your values, your interests – basically all the things that make you, you. Both you and your partner should prioritise having some alone time in your relationship for this reason and support each other to achieve this.
3. You stop enjoying being around them
If you are bored of being around them or you are not enjoying being in their presence, then you need some alone time ASAP. Not enjoying your partner’s company is a big sign that you need some alone time in your relationship.
It might not be that you are bored of them per se. It could just be because you have gotten into a routine with them and have stopped doing things together that bring you joy. But, it could also be because you have spent too much time with them recently and you are craving connection with people other than them, like your friends and family. Either way, it is okay to feel this way. It doesn’t mean you no longer love them or want to be with them it just means that you need to add more breathing room into your relationship.
Having alone time in your relationship is like opening a window in a musty room, it allows some air to flow in and freshen up the room. Having alone time will do that, it will help you find different things to talk about with your partner and might help you start feeling excited about spending time with them again.
4. You aren’t prioritising your self-care
Another big sign that you need some alone time in your relationship is if you’re neglecting your self-care. If you stop doing activities that would normally make up your self-care routine, you definitely need to find yourself some alone time! You should still be making sure you are taking care of yourself in your relationship so that you are being the best version of yourself for your part and more importantly you! This means taking the time to exercise, meditate, journal, do your hobbies, and socialise- all the things that make up true self care.
You and your partner should be encouraging and supporting each other to make sure you are both looking after yourselves. Neither of you should feel guilty for wanting some alone time to prioritise this. Self-care is not a selfish act, it is a necessity!
5. You’re feeling drained
Being around anyone for an extended period of time (even if it’s someone you adore) can leave you feeling drained. This is because it takes a lot of energy to be social and communicate, even if it’s with someone you feel comfortable with and love being around. When you are feeling sapped of energy, there is no way you can possibly expect yourself to be able to your best effort into your interactions with your partner. It’s not fair to them (or you) to be constantly getting a version of you that has a social battery that’s half full. It’s therefore important for both your mental health and the health of your relationship, that you get that time to rest and recharge your battery.
6. You get easily frustrated and irritated with each other
If you find yourself easily irritated or tense around your partner, it could be a sign that you need some space.
You could be mentally or emotionally exhausted from being around people too much without a break. You could also be harbouring feelings of stress and haven’t had a moment to yourself to process them. Or you might be subconsciously trying to find excuses to get that time alone by trying to notice things that they do that annoy you. In these cases finding a moment to yourself can help you recharge and process and return to your relationship with a fresh perspective.
So, moral of the story, if you find your patience wearing thin or you’re becoming more easily frustrated with your partner over small things, it might be time for you to schedule some alone time.
7. You’ve lost your independence
When you spend too much time with your partner you can start becoming slightly co-dependent. This might lead you to be reliant on them for decision-making, personal validation, and general social interaction. In your pre-relationship state, you would have had to rely on yourself to fulfill these needs, whereas now you rely on your partner for this. If you find yourself not being able to function properly without your partner, it may signal that you need some more alone time so you can start rebuilding your sense of independence.
8. You’re lacking personal growth and fulfillment
- When you start to feel like you have no personal space or time to pursue your own goals or interests, it’s a clear indicator that you need some alone time to reconnect with yourself. You need to have the time and energy to invest in personal growth and to dedicate towards your goals and aspirations. Working on yourself, learning, being passionate, and achieving your goals all contribute to living a fulfilling life. They are as equally important as having a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship recognises the importance of personal growth and individual fulfillment and allows each person the space they each need to dedicate towards achieving this.
So, if your personal projects have fallen to the wayside or if you feel yourself losing passion for life, you need to talk to your partner about finding some more space for alone time in your relationship.
9. Your relationship is lacking intimacy
You may be finding that your relationship is lacking physical or emotional intimacy. One of the reasons for this could be due to an unmet need for personal space. Having personal space and time alone allows you and your partner to reconnect with your own desires and feelings. It also allows you the physical space to recharge your desire for them and reignite your craving for their physical presence and touch.
In terms of your emotional intimacy, time alone allows you to process your thoughts and feelings and get yourself into a better emotional headspace. Being overwhelmed and not being able to process your emotions can lead you to emotionally shutting down or lashing out at your partner. In both of these situations, you end up building a wall that decreases the space for emotional intimacy in your relationship. Similarly, if you are not in a good space with your emotions, it’s not healthy nor effective to take on the emotions of your partner (it’ll just add to your burden or overwhelm you). Therefore, it reduces your ability to be someone who your partner can rely on for emotional support.
So if you see this withdrawal from emotional intimacy in your relationship, you need to have a moment alone. It is one of the signs you need time alone in a relationship that should not be ignored
10. You’re having difficulty communicating with your partner
Continuous interaction with your partner can sometimes lead to emotional overload, making it difficult to effectively express your thoughts and feelings. If this is the case, you need to have the time and space for self-reflection. This will help you gain clarity on your thoughts and perspectives and reconnect you to your needs and values. This is important because this clarity will help you communicate all of these more effectively with your partner. It will also help you be more authentic to yourself and stops you from being influenced by your partner’s opinions and perspectives.
Having difficulty communicating with your partner in a conflict can also be a sign you need a moment alone. Taking a quick break in the middle of a conflict stops it from escalating. It can also help give you a second to process your thoughts and emotions and find a sense of calm. This allows you to return to the discussion with a clear mind and a clam state of emotion. In doing this you also allow room for a more assertive conversation to occur where you can get to the bottom of the issue and find a resolution that can benefit you both.
11. Thinking about alone time
Daydreaming about being alone or having time away from your partner? This is one of the final signs that you need some time alone in a relationship. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, like we’ve said, having alone time in a relationship is perfectly healthy and normal.
If you’re thinking or daydreaming about it, it’s definitely showing you are not getting enough of it to satisfy your needs. It can be a clear sign that you need some solitude to recharge and do the things you love doing alone. So if this is the case, organise yourself a solo trip away or an evening alone, get out of the house, or get the house to yourself- whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you get that alone time to recharge- trust me, you’ll thank yourself for it.
If you notice yourself experiencing any of these signs you need some alone time in a relationship, it’s important that you start a discussion with your partner to address it. Communicate with them openly and make sure they are aware of your need for some more alone time.
Healthy relationships involve understanding and respecting each other’s boundaries and needs for personal space. Do not feel guilty about your need for alone time. Alone time doesn’t mean you love your partner any less; it’s a way to ensure that you’re bringing your best self to the relationship by looking after your mental health and well-being.
