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Welcome to the blog post that’s going to help you learn the ins and outs of loving yourself while wrapped up in the warmth of a romantic relationship. Disclaimer: This isn’t about neglecting your relationship and being selfish, it’s about recognising and appreciating who you are as an individual. Try to not get roped into feeling guilty about investing in yourself. Self love in a relationship is important because it helps not just you, but your partner too! (excuse the cringey rhyme). When you and your partner love and care for yourselves, both of you will get the most out of the romance! The more you love yourself, the more you can offer in your relationship.
So, grab yourself a snack, find a comfy seat, and dive into the how and why for developing self love in a relationship. You’ll soon have insights and inspiration in taking more time out of your day-to-day to love yourself. A little self love might be the thing your relationship needs most!
– THE WHY –
Take a look at the 4 reasons why you should focus on developing self love in a relationship
1. It gives you the confidence you need
Putting energy into loving yourself is great for boosting confidence! When you truly accept and appreciate yourself, flaws and all, you can start on your journey of becoming your own personal cheerleader! You’ll walk a little taller, speak a little clearer, and tackle challenges with a more certainty than before. This is great for your romantic life because improved confidence allows you to bring a strong and satisfying energy into the relationship. So, if you’ve been wondering how to dial up your confidence, the secret is to invest in some self love.
2. You will maintain sight of who you really are
Self love can be your compass for when you feel lost in expectations and pressures involved in your love life. If you ensure you spend time loving and caring for yourself, you won’t lose sight of who you really are. The thing is, it can be very easy to mould yourself into what you believe is an ideal partner and, in doing so, you leave your authenticity behind. Spend some time appreciating what you offer as a whole person, not just what your offer as a romantic partner. That self love and appreciation will guide you back to yourself and in turn, make you the best partner possible. A good dose of self love will help minimise your stress and you will feel more free to enjoy your relationship!
3. Resilience will become second nature
Resilience is a great skill to develop. It helps for when you face curveballs in your relationships and in general life. Think of self love as your resilience training program. When you genuinely care for and believe in yourself, bouncing back from shocks or hardships becomes second nature. Your aim: Become as resilient as a rubber ball (yeah, I’m serious) – no matter how hard life throws you down, you’re gonna bounce right back up. The more you love yourself, the easier it is to deal with conflicts and negative emotions slowly become more bearable. This is a great advantage in your love life because disagreements and conflict won’t overrule the good parts of your relationships. Remember that setbacks are temporary. Embrace self love, and let resilience become your superpower.
4. Dependency will become a strength rather than a weakness
Dependency in a relationship is all about balance. Being able to rely on your partner for helping with a task or making you laugh after a tough day is amazing. Where it becomes an issue is when you depend on your SO for validation, happiness, and fulfillment. The more you love and respect yourself, you can better balance being independent and dependent. It’s not about becoming so independent that you are emotionally distant. It’s about sharing your life with someone while standing on your own 2 feet. This balance is a beautiful dance of two individuals supporting and enhancing each other’s lives.
– THE HOW –
Here are 8 ways how you can develop self love in a relationship
1. Make habit of positive self talk
Positive self talk acts as a nurturing voice within your romantic relationship. Speaking kindly to yourself reinforces your worth and desirability. If you are feeling like you need a pick-me-up, why not look at the mirror! Talking positively to yourself and about yourself will increase self esteem, and it’ll allow you to engage in your relationship with greater confidence. It is the little things like telling yourself at the end of the day that you’ve given it your all or telling yourself your worth your partner’s love. You’ll become better equipped to communicate your needs, express love, and receive love in return.
2. Recite positive affirmations
To expand upon positive self talk, why not give yourself some extra support and encouragement with self affirmations! Affirmations are phrases or statements that you read or voice regularly to provide a positive perspective of yourself. Here’s an example: “I am enough”. Simple, right? It doesn’t need to be a complex or intense activity. Positive affirmations have the power to build your self love. These affirmations will help you accept the love and compliments your partner commonly gives you, bringing you closer than before. Practice this today – spend 5 minutes writing down what you love about who you are and tomorrow, read those back yourself.
3. Set boundaries in your relationship
Establishing boundaries in a romantic relationship is an act of self love. It’s important that you value your own needs, emotions, and well-being enough to communicate them clearly and assertively with your partner. Setting reasonable boundaries not only protects you from being hurt or frustrated in your relationship but it also reinforces your sense of self worth. By maintaining these boundaries, you send a powerful message to yourself that you deserve respect, consideration, and the freedom to be yourself. To set and maintain boundaries, it is essential that you communicate transparently. Always be clear and certain about what you want, and encourage your partner to do the same.
4. Have time set aside for self care
Self care and self love go hand in hand. Prioritisng yourself is not something you should feel guilty of. Make sure that you take time to care for yourself, because that care will develop into love. Set aside time in your busy schedule to start a self care routine, or simply allocate a day each month for self care. When you put some energy into your time alone, practice some introspection. This is when you take a look at yourself to express gratitude and appreciation. What is it that you love about yourself? What parts of your life need more attention? It is all part of loving and caring for yourself.
5. Voice your worries and insecurities
Voicing worries and insecurities in a romantic relationship is an act of self love that fosters emotional intimacy and personal growth. When you’re able to express your vulnerabilities openly and honestly, you’re not only being authentic but also valuing your own emotional well-being. Confronting your insecurities will build on your self acceptance and self compassion, reinforcing that focus of self love. Speaking about these tough topics with your SO ultimately brings you closer together. A supportive partner who listens and empathises can help you navigate your concerns, strengthening your bond and enhancing your sense of self worth within the relationship.
6. Be forgiving
Practicing self forgiveness is a key element of self love. It means acknowledging that you are not perfect and that making mistakes is a part of being human. By forgiving yourself for errors, whether they’re related to your romantic relationship or not, you develop self compassion and understanding. This self acceptance is vital for self love. Move away from citicising yourself and dwelling on shame by practicing self forgiveness. When you’re forgiving to yourself, you set a great example for your partner, fostering a more empathetic and loving relationship. Imperfections shouldn’t be just accepted, they should be embraced!
7. Practice some mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness while in a romantic relationship allows you to tend to your emotional needs. It helps you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions, which is essential for developing self love. Learning how to control your thoughts and focusing of breathwork are a couple examples of how you can start your journey of mindfulness. By practicing mindfulness, you staying present in your relationship and become attuned to your own emotions. It prevents automatic judgments or ‘knee-jerk reactions’, allowing you to approach conflicts and challenges with greater empathy and understanding. Let mindfulness be your path to self love, as you learn to treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and acceptance that you give to your partner.
Want some in-depth tips on how to best practice mindfulness? BetterUp’s well-being blog has some great suggestions! Read Maggie Wooll’s mindfulness focused post here.
8. Seek support for loving yourself
Seeking emotional support within your relationship is a vital component of self love. The beauty of having a SO is that you can lean on them when you need it and know it’s a dynamic that’s free of judgement! When you seek support from your partner, you are reinforcing your self worth and recognising that it’s okay to ask for help or comfort. If you ever feel down, your partner will highlight the positives. They’ll tell you that you looking amazing when you feel like a trash bag and they’ll remind you how happy you make your peers. Truly listening to those supportive responses will help you develop in your journey of learning to love yourself!
“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a love deficit” ~ Eartha Kitt
Now that you understand the value in working on self love in a relationship, you can put that knowledge to practice! It’s not going to be a one-day fix, in fact, it may well be a long road but learning to love yourself is indescribably important. Your partner is you number 1 supporter, so soak in their energy and let that fuel the love you feel for yourself and your relationship! Dive into some self care, work on improving yourself and love yourself for who you are!
Feel like investigating more methods of self love? Go visit www.marriage.com and check out Rachael Pace’s blog post, How to Love Yourself in a Relationship: 10 Self-Love Tips
