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Are you feeling insecure about your friendships? We’re here to help you feel more secure! 

Having friendship insecurity is feeling uncertain or anxious about your friendships. These feelings can come bubbling to the surface for many reasons. From childhood antics on the playground to raving parties in your 20s, there are so many settings and situations that can introduce the horrible feelings around friendship insecurity. Recognising the ways anxiety and doubt creeps into your mind is important for you in developing confidence within friendships. 

This blog post will delve into the reasons you are lacking certainty and confidence in these relationships and there will be suggestions as to how you can squash those bleak thoughts. 

The times in life where friendship insecurity hits hard

There are times in life when you are more likely to experience friendship insecurity. Events that can cause low self-esteem, high levels of stress and/or anxiety are examples of this.

These are 5 of the really common phases to have feelings of insecurity:

• The teenage years  
• Going to university
• Starting a new job
• Getting married & having children
• Moving town, city or country

The teenage and early university years can be full on. There are so many factors that can influence self-confidence: Pressure from parties, social media and social status can all feel a little too much. 

Huge responsibility changes are contributing factors to stress, anxiety and as a result friendship insecurity. Entering the workforce, switching career paths and starting a family are massive changes in life. They can all introduce different types of ‘weight’ that are added to what you already carry on your shoulders.

Moving places and adapting to new environments can be a huge deal! Some people do it frequently, however, if you are someone who has been in the same spot for a lot of your life, those big moves can take a toll.

9 reasons for feeling insecure in friendships

1. Adapting to new dynamics

Friendship insecurity can be brought on when there is major shift in the dynamic of an existing friendship or friendships. The new dynamic could be due to many reasons. It could be social status, life milestones, or maybe moving further away from each other. For example, if a friend finds their first love, they may become less available and give you less attention. That sort of change can through a spanner in the works for how your whole relationship functions and it can leave you feeling very insecure. Another example is if your friend moves city. Limited time for face-to-face interactions can make it difficult to stay connected. Making an effort to adapt your friendship in these cases is important. That effort involves communicating how you feel and what you expect. Any significant change in your life or your friend’s can lead the relationship down an entirely new path.  

2. Effort not being reciprocated

When you are in a healthy friendship, it is all about giving each other your best effort. If a good friend has asked for you to make it to their performance or to watch their final match of football, you’re gonna make it a priority and be there! How about if you were to ask the same of them? Would your friend drop other events or commitments to give you support? If the answer is no, you could be feeling quite insecure – and rightfully so. You give effort in a friendship because that person means something to you. You deserve a network of friends that are supportive and show you what you mean to them. Sometimes, without you noticing, a perfectly healthy friendship can suddenly turn into one that is extremely imbalanced in terms of time and effort. That leads to feeling of frustration, sadness as well as freindship insecurity.

3. Rumours running wild

Gossip and rumours can have a lot of negative impact on friendships. When you develop a friendship with someone, you build a foundation that revolves around trust. If that trust is broken, it can really hurt the friendship and it’s chances of lasting. Putting your trust in a mate only to have them feed your sensitive information and secrets to your social circle can really sting. Feelings associated with friendship insecurity can flood to the surface when you are made vulnerable like that. The problem really lies within the chain of information being passed between people. Details can get messed up and stories get altered to a point where everyone who knows part of a secret has their own version of your story. This can lead to conflict, confusion and you feeling super insecure. Rumours and gossip need to be squashed and the truth needs to be set straight whenever it’s got out of hand.

4. Lack of care and empathy

True friends care for you and empathise with you. Friends who change from empathetic and supportive to thoughtless and careless do not deserve a friend as good as you! The amount of effort needed in relationships can often be misunderstood. The longer you are friends with someone does not determine how much effort is required in the friendship. It is important that caring for your friends is not neglected over time. Your friends always will want and expect to have you as part of their support system, so they should be offering the same for you! Friends who lack care and empathy make you feel insecure and as if you are not worth their time. Point is- you are worth their time!

5. Misinterpreting friends actions

Misinterpretations and breakdown in communication can lead to friendship insecurity and a lot of hurt. Intentions of actions can be misinterpreted for many many reasons, and that is exactly why it is important that those intentions are communicated. Imagine this: Your friend invites a group of your mates out to lunch but excludes you from the plans. That’d for sure leave you feeling insecure. What if you later found out that they purposely excluded you so they could organise your surprise birthday party? You’d then feel stupidly excited! This is just one example of thousands of possible misunderstandings that can lead to the horrible feelings of friendship insecurity. Don’t let assumptions and misinterpretations break your friendship down. Communicate effectively to avoid those situations and build the friendship up!

6. Presuming and fearing rejection

7. Exclusion from events

8. Curiosity & conversation

9. Friendships from the past

Remember, feeling insecure about friendships is a common emotion, and addressing these feelings with open and honest communication can often alleviate doubts and strengthen your relationships.

Overcoming friendship Insecurity:

1. Stop seeking reassurance from other people

2. Focus on one or two friends to build that security

3. Don’t base your friendships on how they initiate

4. Be the type of friend you wish others to be

5. Be kind to yourself