Self confidence, a term referring to your inner belief and trust in your decision-making, personal characteristics and your capabilities. When you have low self-confidence it can lead to insecurities, indecisiveness, negative feelings and more. Therefore, in order to lead a happy, healthy lifestyle, it is imperative to start building your self confidence.

This post is all about building self confidence.

Great Ways to Boost Your Self Confidence:

1) Explore the reason behind the lack of self confidence

Part of building self confidence is understanding where the lack of confidence is coming from. There are many reasons someone can lose confidence in themselves…

It could be caused by your own negative or critical thoughts because unfortunately, your brain has a great capacity to tear itself down. The people in your life could be a factor. Maybe they are unsupportive or have a tendency to criticise or belittle you. Lack of self confidence around a certain activity could be triggered by a past event that caused you embarrassment, frustration, sadness, or anxiety. Therefore, your brain linked those negative emotions with doing that particular activity.

Your lack of self confidence in particular skill sets could have been caused by your childhood. Children are born with an innate sense of confidence that over time will be influenced by their environment and certain reinforcements. These two influential factors may be the reason for the loss of confidence. For example, your teaching in early schooling days may have had an impact on how well you believe in yourself and therefore affects your confidence in your performance in subjects such as reading or mathematics.

How to start exploring the reasons behind your lack of self confidence:

For the next fortnight, note down any moments where you feel a lack of confidence in yourself. You should detail what the event was, whether something was said to you, and what your thoughts were during the moment.

You can then start to think a little deeper about what you have written down:

• For the event: Try to think about whether there was a time in your past when you were doing a similar thing and something bad happened (someone made fun of you, you embarrassed yourself, etc.). Also, try thinking about whether someone negatively reinforced this behaviour in your past.
• For your own thoughts: Try to think about where that thought is coming from. Is it from your own expectations? Is it your brain repeating something someone said to you in your past?
• If someone said something to you: What impact do their words truly have on you? How does it influence how you view yourself? How much do you value their opinion? Has this person made you feel this way before?

Gathering these details helps you identify a trend that could point to the reasons behind your lower self confidence. From there, if you decide you no longer want these things impacting your life, you can start making a plan to overcome them.

2) Turn your inner critic into your inner cheerleader

Many of us are guilty of being our own worst critic. It can be for many reasons that you criticise yourself, whether it is the fact your expectations are too high, you’re not performing well in a brand-new job, or you’ve made some silly mistakes. It is important that you learn to let self criticism guide your inner cheerleader to build you up instead of it breaking you down!

Here’s the question you need to ask yourself: “Are these thoughts helping me be better and identify where I can grow, or are they simply existing to knock my confidence?” Being critical of yourself can truly take a toll. If you are feeling really low because you’ve been telling yourself you are not doing well in something or that you are continuing to fail for no good reason, take yourself away from these thoughts! Dwelling on such things will knock your confidence! When you listen to yourself make criticisms of your own actions and performance, instead of going down the track of negativity, take on those criticisms as advice for how to improve. This will help you in building self confidence, and it’s where your cheerleader comes out!

How to use your inner cheerleader:

Let’s use a specific example to help paint the picture: You have started a new job as an office administrator. On your third day, you pick up the phone and have an upset client angrily speaking to you. You are worried and you’re not sure how to respond. You try to pass them on to your colleague (who would usually deal with them) by interrupting them mid-sentence and quickly diverting the call. Your intention is good, but the client gets even more upset and the situation escalates.

You follow this interaction with having an internal conversation. You’re being critical, having thoughts like Why did I do that? I am terrible at dealing with situations like this! This reaction is completely normal, however instead of criticising yourself, use this situation as a learning opportunity. Be the cheerleader and feel that confidence!

Try responding to your inner critic by using this template:

[The situation] was very stressful and I made a mistake. [Expand upon mistake/action] however, I can do better if a similar situation ever occurs again. [What did you learn that you can improve on]. I know what I did not do well, and now I know what I would rather do. I am going to be prepared for this if it ever happens in the future.

So, for the example above: The phone call was very stressful and I made a mistake. I should not have cut the client off so sharply however, I can do better if I get a call like that again. Instead of doing that, I will let clients say what they need to, to let off steam and acknowledge their feelings before handing them over. I know what I did not do well, and now I know what I would rather do! I now feel prepared for similar calls in the future.

Just remember that cheerleaders are not only for working when things are good, they are there to pick you up when you’re down! Building your self confidence overnight is unheard of. Keep practicing turning that inner critic into your inner cheerleader. Find your cheerleader and bring them out in adverse situations so that you come out of them more confident than before.

3) Know and accept who you are

A big part of building self confidence is understanding who you are. As mentioned at the start, self confidence is all about believing in your personal qualities, your ability to make decisions, and your capabilities.

In order to start building self confidence you need to first learn about yourself. Take the time to assess your values and your passions, because if you understand these then you make decisions that align with your true self and you’ll feel confident in those decisions. Understand your strengths, because they are already something that you can be confident in! Recognise your weaknesses and make an effort to slowly strengthen what you feel unconfident in. It can have a positive effect on your overall level of confidence. Finally, turn your focus to what qualities make you the amazing individual that you are and accept that it is good to be different! You should never shy away from showing what makes you unique.

This is key to building your self confidence, because how can you expect to be confident in yourself if you are not willing to accept yourself and be yourself? It’s time to start building some self love.

4) Dress in a way that gives you confidence

Dress in a way that is true to yourself

Most people will say that dressing nicely will help build confidence. You need to dress in a way that is authentic to you and makes you feel confident in how you look. Pick out clothes that make you think “Damn, I look good today!”

Many people express themselves through their style of clothing and bystanders get a lot of nonverbal cues from looking at the way a person dresses. For example, from the way a person dresses and the accessories they wear we can infer what activity the person may be doing, get clues about their personality, age, status, background… and the list goes on. It is a good idea to be conscious of this fact, especially if you are wanting to express yourself through your style and have it be interpreted by others in a certain way.

Make your wardrobe work for you

Remember that time when you popped out to pick up a quick thing from the supermarket when your hair was a mess and you were in your “couch clothes”? Of all the people you could bump into looking like that, it had to be your ex, didn’t it? How confident did you feel at that moment?

One of the keys to building self confidence for social interactions is to dress in a way that you are confident being seen by anyone in public in. That level of dress code will vary for everyone, so it is up to you to decide. Afterall, there is no rule book.

Also, if you can avoid it, try wearing clothes that are not going to cause you wardrobe hassles. This means wearing clothes that are too tight or too loose in places you don’t want them to be, or it is an item of clothing that demands constant re-adjustment. This can not only make you feel self conscious and unconfident in your appearance, but all the fiddling and re-adjusting can also make you appear unconfident to others.

So to summarise, keep a tidy appearance that is an extension of who you are. Wear clothes that make you feel good, make you feel comfortable and you are happy being seen in.

5) Be prepared

Have you ever experienced a moment where you were completely underprepared? How confident and capable did you feel at that moment?

Being unprepared is one way to knock your confidence. Luckily, for the most part, it is easily counteracted. It is as simple as if you know something is coming up, like a presentation or a job interview for example, don’t procrastinate on it, start preparing. Prepare to the point at which you feel confident to go and do that activity and be able to tackle any of the challenges it might throw at you.

Of course, there are some things in life that you may never be completely prepared for. It is key that you approach events and activities you are not well prepared for with a positive and confident attitude so that the next time you have them occur, you can have a good memory of the event and be prepared. Be on your best game and keep hold of that confidence!

6) Look after your physical health

The way you physically feel and look can definitely impact your self confidence. Waking up feeling energised and ready to embrace the day; being able to get through everyday tasks without huffing and puffing; having the feeling of your body being healthy and strong; being able to look at yourself and like the condition that your body is in. These are all little things that can start building your self confidence.

Make sure you are exercising regularly. Try to fit short breaks of movement into your day to counteract the effects of a sedentary job or lifestyle. Find a type of exercise you enjoy doing so that you actually want to fit it into your life. Ensure that you are eating nutritious meals, reduce the amount of processed and sugary snacks you eat, and watch what you drink. Make sure you get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. You may need to correct your bedtime schedule in order to do this. Finally, make sure you stay fresh and clean by showering and brushing your teeth regularly (you may not need this advice, but some people do).

7) Clean up your language: Use more confident sentences

If you want to increase the confidence you project, you need to start watching what you say. How you phrase things to other people can seriously impact how confident you seem and can impact how confident you feel. In order to combat this, try monitoring the way you speak for a week and see how you normally phrase things when speaking to others. If you notice that you use a lot of indefinite, evasive words and phrases like “I think”, “may”, “might”, and “could possibly”, try to remove them from that statement or replace them with more definite words and see what happens.

Here are some examples of how you can rephrase statements to be more confident sounding:

• “I might have this finished by the end of the day.” → “I will have this finished by the end of the day.”
• “I think I might go for a run tomorrow.” → “I am going to go for a run tomorrow!”
• “We could maybe see each other on a Friday night.” → “Let’s see each other this Friday night.”

8) Practice being decisive

Making decisions can be difficult and it can definitely be a source of low self confidence for some people. Feeling confident in your decisions comes from knowing what you want and what you value. Decision-making is a skill and therefore requires practice, so if you want to start building self confidence in this area then you need to get practicing!

How to practice decision-making:

Start by introducing smaller, insignificant decisions into your life. You can do this by giving yourself two different, equally desirable options. These options could be like choosing between two different lunch spots or two different snacks (food is generally a good one to start with because the decision will have a minimal impact on your overall life). Practice making that decision and start combating those doubtful thoughts by telling yourself you are happy with whichever option you chose. Start thinking positively about the decision you made and try to limit thinking of any “what if’s”.

Once, you feel comfortable making these smaller decisions, start challenging yourself by increasing the difficulty level of your decision. Maybe start trying to put yourself out there and decide what your group of friends will do one evening or where you will go. Reassure yourself that you made a good decision. If you feel the need to receive some positive reinforcement, be forth-coming by asking whether they enjoyed the activity at the end of the night.

By practicing decision making in this way you are building positive behaviours and thought patterns that can help you feel more confident in your decision making skills. This will then help you have confidence in making some of the bigger decisions that you will face in your life.

9) Surround yourself with the right people

The people you choose to spend time with can seriously impact how you feel about yourself. Therefore, one of the keys to building self confidence is to make sure you are around people that build you up rather than break you down.

Your social circle should not be full of people who are unsupportive, are quick to make judgments, and readily make negative comments about you. If this is the case for you and you come away from social events feeling insecure and anxious about yourself, then it is best you seek a new network of friends. Seriously, do yourself and your confidence the favour. You deserve better.

Find yourself a group of people that will support you to lead the life you want. You want to be able to trust that your group has your best interest in mind, and that they truly want the best for you. A group that you know wants you to grow and succeed! Your friend group should be encouraging and you should feel good about yourself when you’re with them. Keep in mind that it is perfectly okay for friends to tease you and you to tease friends on occasion. Teasing can be a way for people to build closer friendships and show comfortability in a relationship. However, this should not be the majority of your interactions with them and it should definitely not be to the point where you feel bad about yourself.

Remember, friends are people we choose to be around. Make sure you are choosing to be around people that are going to have a positive effect on you.

10) Understand that it is okay to fail: Adopt a growth mindset

In case you need to hear it: It is okay to fail. It is okay to have setbacks. It is okay to feel challenged. This simply gives you the opportunity to learn and grow.

Yes, failure itself can knock a person’s confidence. However, being afraid to fail will do more damage than failure itself! Your aversion to failure will knock your confidence and keep you in your comfort zone. It limits you and your experience.

To overcome this you need to start trying new things, especially things that you are not already naturally good at. Alongside this, you also need to work on adopting a growth mindset. A growth mindset is a belief that your abilities are not fixed and can be improved through learning and practice. Start by doing a small activity that you have been avoiding. If it starts to challenge you and you start saying to yourself “I can’t do this”, try turning it into a growth mindset phrase by instead saying to yourself “I can’t do this yet“. Allow yourself the ability to not feel like you have to master everything on the first attempt. Over time, with practice, you will gain confidence in your ability to do this activity.

With each new skill,you practice and gain confidence in, you will slowly be building confidence in your overall abilities. Additionally, by working on your growth mindset you will give yourself a powerful tool to help you tackle new challenges with confidence.

11) Learn to accept compliments

Learning to accept compliments can be a great way to start building confidence. It can be a natural tendency for someone with low self confidence to reject compliments or even downplay them. For example, if someone was giving you feedback on your performance: “Wow, I really enjoyed your presentation, it was so engaging and you spoke so clearly,” and you reply with “Oh, I didn’t think it was that great, I feel like everyone could hear my voice shaking and”… proceeding to negatively nitpick your presentation (you get the picture).

Doing this is problematic for a couple of reasons. Firstly, what you say influences how you think and feel. If you are going to be negative about yourself, you will feel negative feelings toward yourself – like feeling insecure and unconfident. Secondly, if someone has gone out of their way to pay you a constructive, encouraging, or thoughtful compliment it can make them feel rejected when you don’t respond in a good way. This creates a negative experience for them, and they may be less inclined to compliment you in the future – which is also not great for your self confidence.

Here are some great responses you can use to help you respond to compliments in a confident, non arrogant way:

• “Thank you, that is so kind of you to say”
• “Oh wow, that is so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much”
• “Thank you for taking the time to notice that and tell me about it. You are so kind”
• “Awh, thank you, that compliment really made my day”
• “I really appreciate you saying that. It means a lot”

Feel free to mix and match these to create new variations that sound authentic to you. Additionally, try noting down this compliment and any others that you receive. This will help you create a great confidence-boosting resource that you can look at on days when you feel like you need an extra boost.

12) Do enjoyable things that you are good at and celebrate your achievements

A lovely self confidence booster is to spend some time doing the things that you are good at and that you enjoy. By continuing to pursue activities that you are already good at, you will further increase your abilities and get closer to mastering them. You will also mentally reinforce confidence in your skillset.

Another self confidence booster is reflecting on your achievements. Make yourself a list of the top 5-10 greatest things that you have achieved in life. These could be physical achievements or they could be more abstract, such as overcoming fear. Write down these achievements and refer to this list whenever you have a day where your confidence is lacking. This helps you remind yourself that you are an awesome, capable individual that deserves to be believed in. You can even take this one step further by using the list to make some positive “I can” statements to say to yourself to further boost your confidence. “If I can do (insert achievement), then I definitely believe I can (insert goal you are chasing)”.

13) Let perfectionism take the back seat

Nobody is perfect. Read that again.

Your perfectionism may be taking a toll on your self confidence. If you are a perfectionist, you may find yourself constantly trying to meet unrealistic expectations that you set for yourself. When you don’t meet these expectations, you then turn to self criticism and will often hear people around you giving you praise while saying things like, “don’t be so hard on yourself”. You’re not listening to them, are you? You’re listening to the thoughts that are going on in your head – telling yourself that you are not good enough. This is definitely a way you are knocking your self confidence.

Again, I’d just like to reiterate, nobody is perfect. So, why do you expect yourself to be? Give yourself a break from those high standards that you set for yourself and focus on more realistic goals that you can achieve and feel confident about. Really consider what is going on in your life when you make situational expectations for yourself. If your life is jam-packed full of things, you can’t expect yourself to be able to give 110% to everything. Find the areas where you can ease up on yourself. If you do this, you are more likely to meet your expectations, feel more capable, and therefore feel more confident in yourself.

14) Seek professional advice and support

Lastly, let’s remove the stigma of needing professional help.

Professional counseling can help identify your reasons for lack of confidence through deep, and sometimes uncomfortable, discussions.

Your journey of building self confidence may not be one you can do completely alone. In fact, it can be extremely beneficial to have conversations with someone who can give professional advice and not be connected to your everyday life. If you can not access professional help easily, there are many online services to help you connect with counselors.

Be open to seeking this type of advice and support. If you are concerned about asking for professional services, then start the discussion with a parent or caregiver who can help you investigate your best options. Plus, they’ll have your best interest at heart.

Thanks for reading!

Thank you for taking a look at these 14 methods of boosting your self confidence! What one are you going to try first?