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We’ve all been jealous at some point in our lives, it is a perfectly normal feeling and generally shows that you care. However, it is important to learn to identify signs of jealousy in a romantic relationship. Jealousy can have a negative impact on the emotions of both people in the relationship. Therefore it is beneficial to be able to identify these feelings so that you and your partner can learn how to deal with them. Let’s be honest, this can be a seriously confronting topic. You may feel uncomfortable communicating about jealousy right now but we are here to help you feel more comfortable and confident in the future.

Generally speaking, the feeling of jealousy occurs when one person in a relationship feels they may lose the affection of their partner to someone else. Jealousy can be rational and healthy or irrational and unhealthy for a relationship. This post is going to discuss 9 signs of jealousy in relationships that can become irrational and detrimental to a relationship, to help you identify and learn how to best deal with it, if it is present in your own relationship.

Signs of jealousy to look for in your relationship:

1. Checking up on you 24/7

Your partner constantly knowing your whereabouts, knowing what you are doing and knowing who you are with all day everyday is not always necessary in a relationship where trust is strong. If your loved one is wanting to keep super close tabs on 24/7, then they are showing one of the signs of jealousy.

One of the most important parts of any relationship, whether romantic or platonic, is trust. Trust shows when your partner can be apart from you and not stress about your every move. Yes, it is nice for them to care about what is happening in your day-to-day life without them there, but it can definitely move into the excessive territory. When a partner is continuously checking up on you it can be very frustrating and feel a bit suffocating.

Open communication is key. When your loved one is worrying about checking on you so often that it has started bothering you, it can be greatly beneficial to speak with them about your frustrations. In this conversation, communicate that you have full trust in them and you would like to have it be reciprocal. In order to gain reciprocal trust, it may also be important to address any underlying issues, insecurities or worries that may be causing your partner to be acting in this way. Ask them why they check on you so often, be respectful and listen properly to their response and then work with them to try improve the situation for the both of you.

2. They are insecure without your company

Everyone has times of feeling insecure, some more often than others. Sometimes when your partner is on their own, they may feel less certain of themselves. This may cause them to be quite possessive of you and you may find them trying to encourage you to spend all your free time with them. These insecurities can lead to feeling jealous in the relationship and cause these possessive actions.

It is very healthy to enjoy time with friends and groups of friends when in a romantic relationship. If you do not share all the same friends, your partner may be left to themselves on occasion and this is good for them! Having your own space within a relationship is perfectly healthy. However, without you next to them, your partner may at times feel anxious and jealous. This can lead to their mood dropping, changing their behaviour around you in the short term and withdrawing emotionally/physically from you.

Try to make sure you ask your partner how they feel before and after your outings with friends and gauge their reactions. If you start noticing that they show uncertainty or negative emotions towards you going out without them, then it may be time to sit down with them and address this. Take the chance to talk through these emotions and get them to explain why they are feeling this way. You can also get them to tell you what they think you can do to help them reduce these feelings. Doing this will help you make them feel more supported and secure and enable you to spend time with others without worrying what that might be doing to them.

3. Accusations

This is one of the more obvious signs of jealousy. Accusations of emotional and or physical cheating without rational reasoning will come from a partner who feels jealous.

Allegations such as cheating can cause a lot of stress on a relationship. Much like your partner checking on you 24/7, this shows an immense lack of trust.

Cheating on a partner can do a lot of harm. Unfortunately, many of us know the feelings that come about from being cheated on. Since a lot of people have experienced or know the effects unfaithfulness, they very much value trust within their own relationships. Therefore, when their trust is challenged by an accusation of cheating, it can hurt them. Plus, when there is no trust and your partner is being fueled by groundless accusations, their jealousy can become irrational.

Firstly, when you are in a situation with your partner where they are making these accusations, it is completely valid to let them know that their accusations have hurt you. Then explain your side of the story and explain to them why you wouldn’t cheat on them. It might then be a good idea to ask them why they feel you have been cheating on them and address any trust issues that they might have. Often it something in their past may have made them feel this way. In this case, gaining some understanding can go a long way. To finish off the conversation, reassure your partner that you trust them and remind them of how much they mean to you.

4. Questioning your friendships with others

Friendships in life are special. We connect with many people through so many aspects of life. Typically we make friends as individuals as well as couples. If your partner questions why you are close with a particular person or suggests you prefer spending time with a friend over themselves, it is a key indicator of jealousy.

Partners should show support in you finding and maintaining friendships. However, some partners may do the opposite. When a partner constantly expresses uncertainty in the people you are friends with, it might be that they are trying to remove competition for your attention as well as affection. Why might they be doing this? Jealousy.

A partner should learn to feel comfortable with you enjoying the company of others and be careful with how they question why or how much you are enjoying those friendships. If they are not and it is bothering you, then it may be time to talk to them about it.

5. Social media stalking

Social media allows you the freedom to talk to friends and family from afar and share the significant events in your life. Your partner may well be involved with your usage of social media platforms because of this, and that is awesome. They want to be part of, as well as support your online presence. Although, there comes a stage where they can be over-protective or too nosey!

Scrolling through the list of reactions and comments on your partners posts on Instagram, TikTok or Facebook may be something you do from time to time…we all get curious. However, if your partner is doing this to the point where they are analysing all your social media content, keeping tabs on who comments on your content or tags you in posts and begins questioning you about these people, then is can very well be a sign of jealousy.

6. Controlling vs. caring behaviour

Are you noticing your partner trying to take control of the things you do? When a partner feels threatened by someone or something, it can lead to feelings of jealousy. Because of their jealousy they may turn towards controlling behaviour as a way of coping. Controlling things external to your relationship like who you talk with or what you do in your own time can indicate your partner wants to neutralise any potential threats. Controlling behaviours in a relationship can be very detrimental, so if you notice it happening, do not push it aside.

It may not always be clear what is controlling and what is caring. For example, if your partner has questioned you several times about catching up with a particular friend, they may feel threatened by them or they may think that your friend has been a bad influence and they are just caring about how your friend effects you. The key to clarifying this is communicating about your partner’s feelings. It may surprise you that they are feeling jealous or you may have suspected it. Either way, this is why it is important to keep an eye out for controlling behaviour so the conversation can be had.

There are many ways feelings can influence a person’s behaviour. Jealousy is particularly influential when it comes to how your partner interacts with you. Stay aware of how your interactions may change because jealousy can have a growing impact. Your partner’s actions will have good intentions, it is simply the fact that jealousy may well control them. This can make them behave very differently from how they otherwise would. It is beneficial for you to remain understanding and appreciative to help them if they are feeling this way. Be vigilant with communicating your feelings to them when it becomes control rather than care because they may not notice themselves acting any differently.

7. They hold you back

Does your partner encourage you in all aspects of life? Some partners will be encouraging when it suits them, but when it inconveniences them, they may decide to hold you back. Holding you back from great life goals or even everyday events is a result of your loved one feeling jealous. Here are a couple of examples of a partner holding you back.

If you have a goal to reach a particular status in your career and you are blessed with an opportunity to do so, you would take it, right? Good! If your partner searches for reasons to keep your career stagnant because they know they will lose time with you and have less of your company, then they are letting jealousy get the best of them. Even if it is a matter of your relationship routines changing, it is important you prioritise yourself and a partner should encourage this!

Another situation may be that you have plans to go partying for the night and, because of jealousy, your partner tells you to stay home as they speculate something may happen between you and somebody else. This is a prime example of jealousy originating from a lack of trust.

8. Avoiding shared social engagements

Taking you partner to a party can be fun! It is always nice to catch up with friends and make some new ones! If your partner has a tendancy to avoid shared conversations with these people at events, it is likely one of the signs of jealousy.

A person may be more reserved than their partner however, if that is the case, they can still be involved in social engagements by remaining present and giving it their best effort. Effort is well noticed.

If you partner lacks interest in the times where you are with other people at social events, jealously certainly plays a role.

Give your best effort to involve them and encourage them wherever you can to help lessen those jealous feelings.

9. Excessive acts of love

The last of the signs of jealousy is acts of love that are unreasonably excessive.

This can be difficult to recognise as the intensity of peoples love language definitely can differ! At times where people want to show their love to a partner, they will go out of their way and provide an act of kindness, write a long letter or purchase a grand gift. This is amazing when love is shown. It helps us feel special and prioritised but, it will become clear quite quickly when this crosses a line and becomes too much. If your partner starts buying you a dozen roses a day or writes you a 20 page love letter for each time you leave the house, there could well be jealousy involved. This can be a very sweet result of someone feeling jealous but nonetheless, it is a sign and does need to be discussed.

“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savour, but too much can spoil the pleasure”

Maya Angelou

These 9 signs of jealousy will help you better recognise you or your partners feelings now and in the future. Remember that communication is key. It is always best to have an open conversation about jealousy than to not!